_catalyst_

so get this.

i posted my last journal on myDRAMAspace and my best friend read it and got SO OFFENDED.

she went off. she totally took it personally.

she said she's sorry she ever introduced me to the Secret, that I'm too into it.

what?!? that's not something your best friend says to you.

basically that's saying,

'i thought this was cool so i showed it to you, and now you're happy because you're learning to use it everyday and love sharing it with others, but i'm not happy and i don't use it so i'm mad at you for liking it too much.'

ridiculous!!

we're really at a crossroads in our relationship.

that entry was just me turning around my frustration that we haven't been acting like friends by saying i hope that if things keep going in this direction it's for good reason and the universe is bringing better things to me.

what's wrong with that?

she took it as me saying she's not good enough, quality enough, on the same level, etc.

so now,

one part of me thinks, WOW, this is a sure sign of the law of attraction in action.
i've been imagining friends who ARE on the same level of understanding as i am, who i can relate to...

i have NOT been imagining letting my old best friend go.. BUT look what's happening!

as i imagine more of what i want, she gets further from me and understands me less and gets offended by stupid shit more!

then there's the other part of me.
that part says, she's been an awesome friend to you. maybe this is more about a chance for you to bring her UP, not her bringing you down and you needing to get away from her.

but just thinking about what she said makes me feel bad! i don't want to be guilted into a friendship!

i'm supposed to do what feels good, right? well that's what's worked so far.

i just feel like if someone's your true friend, they understand you. and if they don't they try to before they freak out and make assumptions about your meaning. i don't walk on eggshells. i express myself freely.

so before i go any further with this, before i make any more assumptions about where our friendship is going, before i talk to her anymore (more than the email i sent her last night basically saying why are you taking this personally, i was just taking something negative and making myself feell good about it) i am asking the universe:

how can i feel good about this?

what should i do about this?

will Teresa and I be happier in each other's lives or out of them?

we'll see what answers i get!