im not usually this whiney.. i swear.
That being said... some of this is old hat if you read this blog with any sort of regularity.
My life has changed significantly over the last several months and I've been spending all of my free time occupied, trying to re-carve my niche back into some kind of regular routine.
When I say my life changed, I really do mean it in every sense of the word. Really, the only things that have stayed somewhat the same are the people I know, and the fact that I am still a dad.
Everything else is different. Like, everything. I used to work early, now I work late. I had a really stressful job, now I've got a really easy one. I used to live in the Suburbs, now I live in one of the most urban areas of Portland. I used to never go out, now, if I don't I don't eat. I used to sit at home and play games and watch movies until my eyes bled when the kids went to bed. Now if I get bored, I take the Max somewhere and Skate, or see people. See? Ch-ch-ch-changes. Big difference.
I think I've done a really good job of dealing with all of the changes. I am about as level as I ever was, but the one thing that I had that I don't have is the one thing thats weighing on my emotions most, especially this last week.
Companionship.
Out of all of the changes I have had to make over the last few months, dealing with being alone is the one thing I can't seem to shake.
I'm not like desperate for someone to be with or anything, nothing like that. Its just getting used to the idea that I'm alone now, after sharing every part of my life with somebody for the last 7 years, is really a lot more difficult then I had anticipated.
I know, one day, things will just happen, I'll meet someone, and blah blah blah.. whatever. I know. It doesn't make it any easier today, or tomorrow.
Despite that one thing, I am more pleased with my situation then I had hoped to be. All I can do right now is continue in that direction and make more things happen.
I think that's the key to it all anyway. I can't just expect to have things fall into my lap. All of these changes were a matter of choice and determination, and if thats what it takes, then thats where I am headed.
Those of you who've been there for me these past few months have been more help then you can ever imagine. Its not been an easy ride, but it was easier with you there. You all know who you are, and for that I love you dearly and I always will.
I think after I get home tonight I'm going to head to the Matador for some food and beer. Get a hold of me if your feeling like joining me. I'm going to be there weather you are or not.
That being said... some of this is old hat if you read this blog with any sort of regularity.
My life has changed significantly over the last several months and I've been spending all of my free time occupied, trying to re-carve my niche back into some kind of regular routine.
When I say my life changed, I really do mean it in every sense of the word. Really, the only things that have stayed somewhat the same are the people I know, and the fact that I am still a dad.
Everything else is different. Like, everything. I used to work early, now I work late. I had a really stressful job, now I've got a really easy one. I used to live in the Suburbs, now I live in one of the most urban areas of Portland. I used to never go out, now, if I don't I don't eat. I used to sit at home and play games and watch movies until my eyes bled when the kids went to bed. Now if I get bored, I take the Max somewhere and Skate, or see people. See? Ch-ch-ch-changes. Big difference.
I think I've done a really good job of dealing with all of the changes. I am about as level as I ever was, but the one thing that I had that I don't have is the one thing thats weighing on my emotions most, especially this last week.
Companionship.
Out of all of the changes I have had to make over the last few months, dealing with being alone is the one thing I can't seem to shake.
I'm not like desperate for someone to be with or anything, nothing like that. Its just getting used to the idea that I'm alone now, after sharing every part of my life with somebody for the last 7 years, is really a lot more difficult then I had anticipated.
I know, one day, things will just happen, I'll meet someone, and blah blah blah.. whatever. I know. It doesn't make it any easier today, or tomorrow.
Despite that one thing, I am more pleased with my situation then I had hoped to be. All I can do right now is continue in that direction and make more things happen.
I think that's the key to it all anyway. I can't just expect to have things fall into my lap. All of these changes were a matter of choice and determination, and if thats what it takes, then thats where I am headed.
Those of you who've been there for me these past few months have been more help then you can ever imagine. Its not been an easy ride, but it was easier with you there. You all know who you are, and for that I love you dearly and I always will.
I think after I get home tonight I'm going to head to the Matador for some food and beer. Get a hold of me if your feeling like joining me. I'm going to be there weather you are or not.