_bossanova_

This'll probably be my last little dispatch until I get back to Houston on Monday. Big kisses for all you sweethearts!

I went out bowling and drinking last night with my manager and a bunch of people from work, and now she wants to throw me a going-away party on Saturday night. She begged me not to go back, but I think that it's all bullshit. People really only want me around because I take their shit. I'm always nice to everyone, I don't complain, I do my job.

Part of me will always love this place, the neighborhood where I grew up and all of the memories with my family, but there is so much we've been through that I need to get myself out of. I don't want to forget how wonderful it felt to have a job I loved when I had been suicidal for years. It was lovely to drive to work and play with the animals and make friends with other people that were vulnerable, too, but kind. It felt good to help other people, the doctors and the clients that were upset or unsure about what to do or just needed some comfort. I am so grateful that I've had the opportunity to heal myself through my job, as tedious and unskilled as it may be. I am grateful that I was able to feel so loved and appreciated and to accomplish things which seemed impossible when I was depressed and didn't want to live. I feel ready to make changes in my life, to move on and find new things. I'm tired of doing things out of guilt or because of what other people may need. I have so much I want to do with my life, and I'm sure if I do it, the people I love will be happy, too.

I know who my friends are here in Atlanta, and I know that a few people just want me to stay because it makes their lives easier. I'm still going to have a good time before I go back.