_argos_

hmmmmm - Wednesday it is. So yeah - I suppose that this is a day of truth for me...... I have been dating this woman for a while - and she is great - but I have some issues with her..... for one - she likes to flirt with guys - right in front of me and more so than with me... meaning that she will flirt more with other guys than me........ she has not wanted to appear like we are going out, and lately she seems to be ready to bolt - she has not wanted to even commit to dating - she doesn't make me feel special in public - in fact - she acts like we are merely friends and when I have tried to be affectionate with her in public - she pulls away...... and it isn't that she doesn't like affection - she does..... blah blah blah

so yeah - I have talked to her about these things - and when I confront her about the flirting she turns it around on me and gets defensive and accuses me of getting on her case and actually denies flirting only to later on or the next day admit to it....... when I ask her if she wants to see someone else - then she says no - that she doesn't want to loose me..... and when I ask her if she wants to be by herself - she says no.... so I just don't know anymore - I had some crazy ass dreams last night about her sleeping with guys in the next room and ignoring me only to flirt with other guys...... I don't know - I like her - but I just don't know what to do...... ??????

in other news - my parents left yesterday - YAY! that was the best part of their visit - them leaving..... my step monster bought me a 3 bulb lamp and some 'natural light' bulbs because she thought that my room was too dark and that I was depressed...... so I found that a bit odd..... what she was mistaking as depression was the fact that I usually sleep in to about 11am because I work till 1am and get home and to bed around 2 or 3...... but was waking up way early to visit with them and I am so not a morning person - so I was tired..... plus I have been drinking a bit more lately so that makes me more tired.... I got a lot of 'praying' for me and psychological mumbo jumbo from them - ugh! I don't believe in their god and thei religion and it is difficult to not just say 'no - I don't want you to pray for me - back off!' but at any rate - I figured if it made them feel better - whatever

so - not much else going on - still working on getting my car running - but with my freash tattoo - and all the relentless hot sun out there - I have been avoiding it.....

I need coffee
I am too broke
Student loans and financial aid will be coming soon and I can surely use the money
My daughter is frustrating my ex and I
She has no motivation for anything
I am going through one of those 'what does it all mean' phases and where am I going?

I quit smoking - yay!

I am tired of not seeing the positive things in life...... therefore - I vow to change that
I am going to draw more
write more
finish my 'zine
laugh more
smile more
spend more time with friends
play more music - which by the way I have been and golldern it - I am sounding pretty good I must say

I am needing coffee - and on that note I will say - ciao

and here is a better pic of my tattoo in progress