zenexistence

I heard this from a fellow employee the other day, "Scotty, I've noticed that people with square glasses tend to drive square vehicles."
I blinked, blinked again, nodded and offered, "And I've noticed that people with limited comprehension tend to over-generalize, kinda like what I'm doing right now."
Response?
"Hunh?"
My response?
"Pie!"
Their response?
"Hunh?"
I don't understand why I don't bond with more people.



DOPPLEGANGER!! Whyforyousneakuponmelikethat?!?

My Friday night/Saturday morning consists of me sitting with cold feet [I'mnotgettingmarried] sipping leisurely on THIS!I will make sweet love with/to/around this drink.
Oh yes, I will.
Of course that is after we pass the proper time allotment, obey the standard three-date-minimum, espouse our undying lust for one another and have traded at least 3.279 supposed-but-probably-not-true "I never told anyone this before ..."-stories.
I have my morals, see?
The taste is a good balance between heady malts and coriander. It has a cocoa/raisin character with touches of roast and a decent, not particularly bitter, finish.
Seriously, if you love beer [yes, even in the creepy way] dash the hell out to Trader Joes, prance about the aisles and then blitzen the fuck to the checkout with as much as your wee limbs can muster.
Muster reminds me of "musk".
Gross.
Please note my use of "dash", "prance" and the aproposly-used "blitzen". You know I hate to be obtuse so recognize that I am channeling Santa's reindeer here in response to the current holiday season. Maybe you don't celebrate Christmas, maybe you're Jewish and you celebrate Chunkanunkuh [that's not really the proper spelling but utter it phonetically and I promise to Yoda that you'll squirt fluids] the point here is we're supposed to be giving and, trust me, I can give like an elephant after eleventeen prune salads.
Eleventeen prune salads? That doesn't even make any sense. Elephants don't even LIKE prunes. Is this guy an idiot?

Can we go back to talking about my new car? Actually, she's [I can't call my car a guy name, same-sex marriage isn't legal in St Louis YET -- once it is my car is going transgender] ... a toaster.
Yes. See Element owners tend to call their vehicles "toasters" because they're shaped like a descending colon.
Wait.
Pause.
Rewind.
It's because they're shaped like toasters.
Toaster don't even HAVE colons. God, you're so dumb.
I just custom-ordered a sticker from a sticker company that says, " toaster<3 ".
I'm pretty sure the owner thinks I'm a retard but, well, I am. See, I love my toaster like ...


After much definition and deliberation of a tired mind, I've decided that if you're looking for actual, physical brown-chicken-brown-cow love of a beer you're probably ...

Okay, I'm going to head towards bed before I do a trunkplant.
What?
Srsly?
Never heard of a trunkplant?
Whyyousostooopid?


Night night, termites.
Scotty

PS