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Hey.

Thanks for all the comments and messages, I'm slowly working my way through them at the moment now I'm feeling like my head's screwed on a (little) bit better...

I'm not killing myself.
But only because of my mum's reaction.
I couldn't do that to my family.
No matter how bad I think my life is, it wouln't be anywhere near as awful as...
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VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
pystol:
Btw i just read your last and most recent blog posts and i have a good idea where you're coming from so if you ever need to chat like wing me a message or whatever
Xx
chaoslex:
Can you be my groupie for my band? Wow those are hot .
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Okay, so I feel as if I should offer some explanation as to why I haven't been around very much lately...

The truth is, I'm struggling.
Really struggling.

I wake up every morning in tears, wishing I'd have miraculously died in my sleep.
Every day is a battle, and I can't fight anymore.

I miss my Alex, but he won't take me back. And yeah...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
severin:
Hey,
I hope you're doing a little better.
Love your Mum, don't leave her x
miro:
they suck lots dont they *huggle* you gunna get naked anytime soon and lemme take pics of it?? x
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First off, thank you so much to everyone that commented my last blog. You're all so sweet. Things just got to me the other night, I was angry and upset and depressed and jealous and horrified all at the same time. And yes, it was over my ex. I really really miss him. I don't know what to do anymore, things are pretty difficult right...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
xzombiex:
you be as personal as you want in your blog
johnny_playmaker:
animosity will kick children of bodom's ass
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I feel like shite.
Absolute shite.

I was going to blog about my past week or so.
But to be quite honest, I can't be fucking bothered.
None of it seems to fucking matter.

skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull skull

Warning: Incessant ramblings of a depressive maniac.

'Handle With Care' read the label across her chest.
Ripped to shreds, and burnt to the ground.
Defenseless, exposed and alone.

Nothing left but...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
johnny_playmaker:
can i come cheer you up with a blunt of sour diesel??
padre:
Love the new profile picture love love
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VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
bhavok:
Glas things are okay dear..

Um, that last picture of you em, love love
bigz:
lol hell yeah
its cos im cool =p
xx
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Hey all smile

Wow, everyone's been soooo sweet to me since I returned, it's so nice being back!
For anyone that hasn't checked them out yet (and why fucking not?!), I have a new set of photos I took on Bank Holiday Monday, just me arsing about with a camera, nothing special.
But I'd appreciate some comments, constructive criticism is also appreciated! smile

VIEW 25 of 39 COMMENTS
light_bringer:
Children of Bodom is a cool group. I haven't heard the new album yet. I'm gonna have to check it out. wink
light_bringer:
You might have to help me with your English speak. I love learning new slang. biggrin
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Hello boys and girls smile

Yup, it's Spider.
Or Wilona as I now like to be called.

I should probably explain why I've been absent for so long...

Basically, I've been having a really rough few months, breaking up with my long-term boyfriend, moving back into my parents house, looking for a new job, spiralling back into depression, all sorts of shit.
I've just had to...
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VIEW 25 of 48 COMMENTS
i_am_brucelee:
glad to hear you are back! and hotter than ever i might add. if thats even possible
pystol:
haha thank you
NO ITS MINE.
Ahh now i want another pizza damn you.
I have a dip left maybe i could recreate the essence somehow?
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Hey.
I just wanted to apologise to everyone for not really being around very much.
Things are just a bit messed up at the moment.

I'm unemployed, dossing around and partying mostly.
My family act like they're ashamed of me.
Everyone wants to have a little dig at me, everyone wants to tell me what to do and how I should be.
I'm fucking sick...
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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
puff:
so what do we have to do to get you to get ya arse back here?

don't make me beg!

x
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Anyone think I should come back?

Well....
I moved out and it's over for real this time =(
He punched me.
It didn't hurt very much.
But that's not the point is it?
I don't think I could ever get back with him after that so i reckon i should stop trying to please him...
Maybe.

frown frown frown
VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
shaun87:
What a dick, he should never have hit you. Glad you decided to come back.
puff:
i miss ur cute arse
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I'm leaving Suicide Girls.

I really messed up my relationship because of it.
And I became someone I didn't really want to be.
I was slutty, and disrespectful, and I hid things from my boyfriend.

I'd really love to be a Suicide Girl, and maybe one day I'll come crawling back if it doesn't all work out.
But I'm willing to give love one last...
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VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
ireland_:
Aww, add me on Myspace so we don't lose touch! MySpace.com/LuxieDarko

It's completely understandable that you'd choose your b/f over SG. Naked girls are fun, but they can't cuddle and cover you in kisses when you need them most. Good luck with your relationship, hon!
pacmanman:
ill miss ya
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VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
ericdravyn:
I sincerely hope you are reading all of the messages here... have you seen how many people are concerned for you?
Have you taken everything that they're writing to heart?

Seems to me that if you were such a horrible person, there probably wouldn't be a single response here.
Does this make us all horrible people for caring about you?
If we're not, then you're not... simple as that.

I can't express myself any better than all of the people who have written in before me; go back and read them again.
Don't do anything drastic; you need some time and distance from this to be able to see things for what they really are.

Let us know what else we can do for you; you are very well thought of here, obviously, and we want to make sure you're going to be okay.


love ARRR!!!
skull_kid:
I'm not like well... apparently most people here... where I think any and all online flirtation is always ok. There has to be some limits, and they have to be based on how comfortable the person you are in a real relationship may be with all of it.

But with that said, I've seen a lot of your flirtation and it all seemed very innocent to me. And either way, hacking into a private account shows a lack of trust that would have been an issue eventually anyway. Better off without him.
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VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
thehiddenword:
You are most definitely not a bad person. No one should try to control what you want to do, what friends you see or talk to. You need to be yourself... A mature person would recognize that and let you grow and be who you are without trying to control you.

Stay strong and know that there are people all over the world that love you and care for you.

Hugs,

THW
souspire:
I am terribly sorry to see you are going through a tough time. Believe me, you will heal and gain the perspective to make you feel strong again.