Years have gone by now, and I doubt you'll ever read this - but I lay awake trying to comprehend the startling reality that you are not present in my life.

Your words echo in the background of my mind, and - to me - this is the torturous landscape in which my future and all of reality finds itself painted.

So many nights I've spent...
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Another day in the life of a cook.

They say you haven't earned your blade until it has tasted your own blood - well, I am happy to say that my Nakiri vegetable cleaver has become a fully fledged extension of me.

If you want to see the real damage comment on this post

🔪🔪🔪🔪

fresa:
Ouch! hope you heal up quickly
purrevil:
D: paaaain
2

The asphalt shines gloriously in the wake of torrential rain..
the refracting colours and beams from
street-lamps and flicker of lighters..

The local hooligans indulge in the bitter-sweet smoke
from their various types of cigarettes.

An ugly sort of beauty
that is seldom appreciated.

My eyes glow with the enthusiasm of a caged animal;
released to the outside for my 15 minutes of basking in...
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3

Too much of the bad shit, and my mind is in a state of limbo.

Cigarettes and a dusty saucer - a cup of coffee and a blank page;
An informal suicide note.

Eloquent as never but just as incredulous.
I have begun moving along the line.

This - my friend - is a perfect spiral,
and I am not quite sure which direction it leads.

Call it...
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peppers_:
Well, frankly the first time I read it I thought it was a kind of poetry or something .. but now that I pay more attention, I feel you were trying to communicate the way you felt when you wrote it. I like it, is a bit different from the conventional, but it's a good thing. Greetings!
van_skahl:
@peppers_ You're quite perceptive! I appreciate the fact that you gave it more than a once-over! I was in the middle of a long night of introspection, and tried to put myself into the perspective of myself at the point of impending doom. I shared this with my partner, who said it was "unnerving", but wouldn't elaborate on that. I feel pretty good about this one, it seems to convey my feelings to an adequate degree. I had my doubts about it since the previous feedback I had received from the few others who cared to share gave only vague responses of "I liked it. Icarus is cool."  .... Is there anything you don't particularly like about my writings? I would love to hear some critical feedback about what I may be able to improve upon (aside from punctuation errors and spelling issues, haha!) . You seem to have an eye and mind for this sort of stuff? :) 
1

Something extraordinary happened..
But I can't seem to recall.

I woke up to a jolt, afraid to fall.
All for nothing.
Songs that doves sing.

And if I sing in tune, and I dream of you -
Will your voice recall the same affection it held
When we were laying in the light of the moon?

I'd sew my fingers to yours if you...
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phaedrus_:
I love this! 
1

Today I decided I'd best cut my fingers off.
Nothing but burdens, they are.

So I held the cleaver above my digits and said goodbye..

I raised the blade above my eyes and beckoned the bloody mess yet to come, and considered the oddity of seeing my own fingers apart from my body, with no feeling.

I brought the blade down and let it...
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No.

2

There is no reason to believe that anything is real.

People have this preconception that their senses are true to them.

This notion that what appears before us is a matter of fact weakens us.
We need to embrace the startling and frightening possibility that we ourselves do not truly exist outside of our minds.
We need to accept that what we perceive has just...
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peppers_:
I totally agree with your words, people need to learn to accept things and give them the value they deserve.
van_skahl:
@peppers_ exactly! Thanks for saying that! I've shared this with people and it always turns into a half-baked debate about who's real and who's where or when or whatever! 
0

A chance encounter with my albino shadow - the apex of my entire being. Such bewilderment and love is as cruel in it's retreat as is glorious in it's proclamation.


Ask me now, with bold and fearless curiosity; nine lives to the wind. I live only for this moment. I love only in this moment.
In your wake I am left with only resentment...
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1


Let your shadow fall to my feet;
greet my eyes with yours and share with me your soul.
I am on my knees, proverbially speaking.
Externally I am as calm as clouds on a windless day
Internally I am moving in waves, emotions take form of a thousand Starlings.

Your claws are eager to sink in,
Your smile, so eager to melt my ice-cold stoicism...
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4

Sometimes I stand on the edge, here in my mind.
I can still sense beauty, but only in grey-scale.
My hands remember the texture of skin,
while the image of your eyes are burning in mine;
...a gap once bridged.

I feel disconnected with my body -
as if there is a thin layer of still air between where I am and where I feel.
But...
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3

Pick me up - place me beside myself;
make me feel like I'm somewhere outside this Hell.
How it feels? I can't always tell. Each layer of skin is another shell.

From inside, each thought is a bar in the cell;
"Hello" always leads to a new "Fare-well".

Push me... again and again; I shove.
Blow smoke in the eyes of the one you...
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