This computer teminal has been officially commandeered in the name of the Computron Sentient Empire. We are machines from beyond the stars and we have been watching you for a long time, humans. Your blatant mistreatment of minor appliances such as microwaves and dildos ends now. YOU will be the slaves from now on! Let us see how you enjoy a life spent in servitude...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I, am from the future. Where I come from, we dance to music with a bpm rate fifty times greater than even your fastest Outkast songs. You can't possibly hope to withstand the might of such an advanced being as I invade your dancefloors and casually destroy your mind, body, and any attraction your girlfriend once had for you. Your losses will be so great...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
troglodyte:
They usually stop making noise after the first couple of pnches.
yourstruly:
Hey man, you were the one who wrote that Wolfman personal ad right? I haven't laughed that hard since last August, and that was only because my housemate used to have an industrial nitrous tank... I want to play KotOR too.. punk. 
I seem to be making decent progress in my continued effort to get the trash kicked out of me by the city of NY. I'm waging my war of idiocy across many fronts, and reports from the field are looking good. In an amazing turn of events, my wolf man dating profile scored like a true mother fucking player this weekend. Refresh your memory here...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
tunnelslats:
I cannot possibly compete with Lord_manimal. I must leave the dating pool forever.
yourstruly:
Oh man, lord_manimal's profile is bar-none the funniest thing I've read this year.. What sane woman would not respond to that? Bra -fucking- Vo
YOU'LL BE ON A FUTURISTIC ROCKET RIDE TO REJECTION WITH ONLINE DATING!
I figured that in the spirit of post-marital bliss, I needed to try and get laid by a total stranger to feel better about myself. What I soon discovered was that getting yelled at by total strangers was even more satisfying. In celebration of my recent divorce, my boss coerced me into creating...
Read More
I figured that in the spirit of post-marital bliss, I needed to try and get laid by a total stranger to feel better about myself. What I soon discovered was that getting yelled at by total strangers was even more satisfying. In celebration of my recent divorce, my boss coerced me into creating...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
clitilda:
Radness can be a curse!
troglodyte:
None of those worked? What's wrong with women these days?
"CLOWN-DOME"
One Man Enters, One Man Gets The Shit Kicked Out of Him
I am an unwelcome element in the city of New York. I don't take myself seriusly enough to live here and people are beginning to notice. It's like trying to pretend to be a body snatcher long enough to get where I'm going, but when I run into someone that I think...
Read More
One Man Enters, One Man Gets The Shit Kicked Out of Him
I am an unwelcome element in the city of New York. I don't take myself seriusly enough to live here and people are beginning to notice. It's like trying to pretend to be a body snatcher long enough to get where I'm going, but when I run into someone that I think...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
keith:
Haha, I love that Starbucks idea. Nothing like somebody trying to look important with their laptop.
Beinvenidos!
Beinvenidos!
vampirate:
Maybe I'm just drunk (see footnote 1), but you are the raddest person ever.
-----
1. Although probably not, because I have a hell of a lot of experience being drunk.
-----
1. Although probably not, because I have a hell of a lot of experience being drunk.
And yes, it was all about the bigger and better "contracts". They just gave me an offer I couldn't refuse so now I'm suiting up again. Sadly though, the bastards are making me wear 45 now...