As most of you welllll know, my life as of late has been a tornado of insanity, filled with ups and downs and all around madness. lol Quite literally, the life I build for myself over the last 3 years or so has just been collapsing before my eyes while I stand as tall and strong as... Read More
I am so sorry things suck so bad for you right now! *hugs* I can sort of relate to what you are going through in a way. Almost a year ago, my life completely turned upside down. At the time, I was engaged to my best friend who I had been with since I was 11 years old (if you are a nerd like me and do the math then we were together almost 18 years). However, everything was not perfect. The relationship was deteriorating in more ways than one. It was more of a friendship than a romance. There was no longer any affection and instead I got emotionally and physically abused. Due to having poor self-esteem, I was under the impression that no one else would want me, so I stayed with him because I was too afraid of ending up alone and being so old weird cat lady. On top of my romantic life turning to shit, my home life sucked as well. The whole family dynamic had been deteriorating for years, but around this time things progressively had gotten worse. Both of my parents are addicted to meth. They had not worked since I was sixteen. Basically, I was supporting them and my siblings and had been for years, since their drug habit was more important. However, the soon started to steal from me. To date, I could only estimate that the owe me well over 10,000 dollars. The house we lived in was mine. The utilities were in my name and I owned everything in the house. Since they were my parents I did not want to put them on the streets, but I was getting fed up with their crap and irresponsibility. So around April, I broke up with fiance and decided that I needed to move out away from my parents. The break up in addition to my need for independence lead to my parents starting to beat me. I was their money ticket. At this point, I had no intentions of finding another love interest and truly felt I was doomed at this point. However, in June I met the love of my life, Pezmaster. Together we tried frantically to find a place to move in together. Unfortunately, we had no luck, so to get me away from the drama, we decided to go out of town for a few days. Unfortunately, the drama only got worse once I returned home a few days later. Basically, my parents threatened to kill me in front of my current boyfriend. He refused to let me go back there and now I am living with him and his family, while we continue to look for a place of our own. You think this would solve all my problems right? Not exactly. Yes, I am not being beat now, but there are eight of this in this house. My boyfriend and I have no privacy and I now sleep on a couch and my boyfriend in a recliner. I have no belonging because I left them all behind. My family hates me and so do most of my friends back home. They only support system I have now is Pezmaster and his family. Not to mention, that my boyfriend has a four year old son. I never wanted kids, so it is a big adjustment. I do not want to be like my parents and I am scared to death I am going to end up ruining this kids life. His real mother has nothing to do with him and since I have been here for six month now, I have sort of become the mommy figure.
Anyone that knows me, is aware that I do adjust well with change. I suffer from anxiety and depression and all the new developments in my life has only increased these problems. It is a lot to deal with and yes, I take medication, but pills do not alleviate the problems you are facing. I miss things from back home. Maybe, not my family, but now I am a in rural town where I know no one and it is hard to deal with. So I completely understand how you feel about thinking you are failing in life. I never expected to be going through all this at 29. I expected to have a job, a house, and be successful. Instead, I am still in graduate school. My credit is ruined due to my parents and I have nothing to call my own. I am basically starting from scratch. Luckily, I have someone who loves me! At least that is one thing I can count on, but I constantly worrying that one thing will go wrong and I will have no where to go or anyone to go back to!
Sorry, for rambling and sharing such a long blog, but I wanted to let you know that I sympathize with you and that I truly feel that things will get better for both of us. *hugs* If you ever need to talk to someone, then feel free to shoot me a line. I know that is one good thing I am good at-"talking." I just sometimes do not take my own advice! *giggles*
Gonna keep on tryin, till I reach my HIGHEST GROUND
Today calls for good music....
:::Brief little known fact about me: I DO NOT go a single day WITHOUT listening to at least one Stevie Wonder song. His music is the air I breath! hehe My earliest memory is of me VERY young (infant) in my daddy's arms, playing with his mustache while he danced... Read More
Learning to play higher ground on the bass, Sarah Silverman rules in a very, very attractive way and the bullfrog hug leaves me speechless. I have no words. And then, of course, there's Trek's hiney.
I am making a video of me dancing to thissss! true story, but I want it to be a good one, I'm editing it and shit like a big kid!! But this song makes my "bathing suit area" tingle like no other.
I also have been playing it acoustic on my guitar. Maybe I'll make a video of that too. Hehehehe... Read More
Real quick, this blog goes"blah blah music blah blah happies pictures blah blah"
Proceed.
So my day started out SHIT! I don't really feeling like rehashing every little emotion I sampled today, but I will say that my day was pathetic (to say the very least) until about 1:15pm when I got a text from Thanatogenous asking what I... Read More
Thanks, four years in and the leg is doing fine, damn things going to let me predict weather when I am old though.
Nope the lack of nudity wasn't a turnoff, I survived just fine.
I think kas would be fine getting bothered, she get's off work kinda early in the day since she works overnight so there's that. Glad you have Thana though, sounds like the hooping would be fun, I do like picturing you as a rhino trying it though, that's a pretty good visual.
Yeah, mom takes care of me when it comes to the spoiling, dad is more all about helping me figure stuff out with my car or something like that, which is great to have since I don't know shit about things like that, not by a long shot. So I got a couple good ones to come from as far as I can tell.
You Dwight most definitely is cool, and I can see why you want to keep him.
Cemeteries, old forts, and old lighthouses are always fun to walk around. Just thinking about what some else could have been doing there 40 or 50 or 100 years ago is fun. I think that's why I also like walking around deep in the woods, then you start thinking about if other people have even walked where you are now walking.
P.S. Screw your neighbor, dance until YOU feel like stopping.
EDIT: I got all butthurt that all my pictures disappeared and I thought I did something wrong so I re-posted the same blog. I apologize for being repetitive. I just figured it was something I did. SO... Take TWO! .... or something.
..you don't see me..
I know there will be an end to my tears and this agony. I'd just rather see the end... Read More
You're very welcome. But um... in regard to your headline, is that because you have like really awesome business cards, or because you really like Huey lewis and the News?
I know there will be an end to my tears and this agony. I'd just rather see the end arrive sooner than later. I really feel the urge to describe the exact way I'm feeling right now in the form of a really long blog, but I know you guys would be bored by it.. and I don't like to be... Read More
If given the opportunity..
..I would sooo bang Les Claypool in this video.
Top hat and all! I love watching him slap that bass. Fuckkkkkk!
I wanna do naughty AWFUL things to him when I watch him play.. If you have never seen Les Claypool live, I highly suggest getting on top of that shit immediately. He is fucking flawless and he has such incredible... Read More
haha, i'm not going to lie, i have almost every album buckethead has ever done, including all of his guest work and collabs, videos, too. he's the jam!
thankyou so very much for the sweet comment!<3
XO
the weight may be getting lighter...
*hugs* I can sort of relate to what you are going through in a way. Almost a year ago, my life completely turned upside down. At the time, I was engaged to my best friend who I had been with since I was 11 years old (if you are a nerd like me and do the math then we were together almost 18 years). However, everything was not perfect. The relationship was deteriorating in more ways than one. It was more of a friendship than a romance. There was no longer any affection and instead I got emotionally and physically abused. Due to having poor self-esteem, I was under the impression that no one else would want me, so I stayed with him because I was too afraid of ending up alone and being so old weird cat lady. On top of my romantic life turning to shit, my home life sucked as well. The whole family dynamic had been deteriorating for years, but around this time things progressively had gotten worse. Both of my parents are addicted to meth. They had not worked since I was sixteen. Basically, I was supporting them and my siblings and had been for years, since their drug habit was more important. However, the soon started to steal from me. To date, I could only estimate that the owe me well over 10,000 dollars. The house we lived in was mine. The utilities were in my name and I owned everything in the house. Since they were my parents I did not want to put them on the streets, but I was getting fed up with their crap and irresponsibility. So around April, I broke up with fiance and decided that I needed to move out away from my parents. The break up in addition to my need for independence lead to my parents starting to beat me. I was their money ticket. At this point, I had no intentions of finding another love interest and truly felt I was doomed at this point. However, in June I met the love of my life, 
Pezmaster. Together we tried frantically to find a place to move in together. Unfortunately, we had no luck, so to get me away from the drama, we decided to go out of town for a few days. Unfortunately, the drama only got worse once I returned home a few days later. Basically, my parents threatened to kill me in front of my current boyfriend. He refused to let me go back there and now I am living with him and his family, while we continue to look for a place of our own. You think this would solve all my problems right? Not exactly. Yes, I am not being beat now, but there are eight of this in this house. My boyfriend and I have no privacy and I now sleep on a couch and my boyfriend in a recliner. I have no belonging because I left them all behind. My family hates me and so do most of my friends back home. They only support system I have now is Pezmaster and his family. Not to mention, that my boyfriend has a four year old son. I never wanted kids, so it is a big adjustment. I do not want to be like my parents and I am scared to death I am going to end up ruining this kids life. His real mother has nothing to do with him and since I have been here for six month now, I have sort of become the mommy figure.
And you're not a downer at all, babe. x