I need to let things out. Tired, cold, and shaking anxiously
Trying to get used to my new family dynamic has been tough. I'm pretty sure my dad is dating. What weirded me out is he brought her in while I was in bed with my lover sleeping and I heard them having sex on Sunday. It weirded me out. this just adds to the list of shit going through my mind. Anyways to the point...
I've been at home for the past two months finally mourning my moms death the way I wanted. By doing nothing. At first It wasn't so bad, but then it settled in me. I tried looking for a job and trying to be optimistic while doing this, but with every rejection my spirit took a hit. This just made things worst. I felt like everyone around me had expectations even though no one had said anything. I wish they would have. Especially a certain someone. It's taken me a couple of months to even see the slightest sign of results from trying to get better. But I fear it's too late to save somethings.
I've been struggling with myself for a while and didn't realize how much it affected those close to me, especially the one person closest to me. I was selfish, but in a negative way. It's come to the point where I no longer can satisfy them, mostly because they want something else. Some new exciting toy. Something interesting and rough. What is that bullshit? I don't deserve to be a place holder over and over again in between new cheap thrills.
Some people don't even realize what they do to hurt people and that amazes me. They dont' mean to do it. it's just what they are. I know what they're thinking even before they tell me. Despite this I hammer at them until my inquiries are met with what I already fearfully knew.
No longer the confident person I used to be, I wonder why I let myself go so far down. The easy way out is no longer an option. Either I grow up and take it like a man or continue down a destructive path.
I want someone with integrity. I need someone with soul power and babe you ain't got no soul power.
I"m scared as hell at what will happen in the upcoming weeks, but If I wasn't then would life be worth living?
I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore
Trying to get used to my new family dynamic has been tough. I'm pretty sure my dad is dating. What weirded me out is he brought her in while I was in bed with my lover sleeping and I heard them having sex on Sunday. It weirded me out. this just adds to the list of shit going through my mind. Anyways to the point...
I've been at home for the past two months finally mourning my moms death the way I wanted. By doing nothing. At first It wasn't so bad, but then it settled in me. I tried looking for a job and trying to be optimistic while doing this, but with every rejection my spirit took a hit. This just made things worst. I felt like everyone around me had expectations even though no one had said anything. I wish they would have. Especially a certain someone. It's taken me a couple of months to even see the slightest sign of results from trying to get better. But I fear it's too late to save somethings.
I've been struggling with myself for a while and didn't realize how much it affected those close to me, especially the one person closest to me. I was selfish, but in a negative way. It's come to the point where I no longer can satisfy them, mostly because they want something else. Some new exciting toy. Something interesting and rough. What is that bullshit? I don't deserve to be a place holder over and over again in between new cheap thrills.
Some people don't even realize what they do to hurt people and that amazes me. They dont' mean to do it. it's just what they are. I know what they're thinking even before they tell me. Despite this I hammer at them until my inquiries are met with what I already fearfully knew.
No longer the confident person I used to be, I wonder why I let myself go so far down. The easy way out is no longer an option. Either I grow up and take it like a man or continue down a destructive path.
I want someone with integrity. I need someone with soul power and babe you ain't got no soul power.
I"m scared as hell at what will happen in the upcoming weeks, but If I wasn't then would life be worth living?
I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
meh. MEH!