Saturday Apr 08, 2006

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My friend's list dissapeared. Find me, add me again!

Books are human actions in death
-Balzac

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_biblia_:
So how did that happen?
fancyd:
We aren't friends yet, although I do read ur journal, would u like to be my friend ???

smile blush ooo aaa ooo aaa

Tuesday Apr 04, 2006

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And I've been makin' promises I know I'll never keep.
One of these days I'm gonna leave you in your sleep.
I have to go when the whistle blows-
The whistle knows my name.
Baby, I was born on a train.
-The Magnetic Fields



I lay there like a floodlit ham, waiting for the axe to fall.



Where is this mythical book that I am...
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starrydynamo:
That is very, very true. And I have come to discover that very quickly. It's releiving to know there's still itelligent people around smile
_biblia_:
haha, i had to read your comment twice. the first time i thought i read BREEDING razor clams.

someday i'll finish the book i started. problem is, i can only write a lot when i'm discontent. as soon as i'm happy the creative juices coagulate. it's a rather double edged sword.

Saturday Apr 01, 2006

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I feel so mediochre this weekk, so utterly averidge. Nothing I say feels clever, nothing I write is inspired. Apparently I can't even cook this week as work had been a living hell. Argh! Just argh!
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shivasshakti:
frown I don't know what happened, but your pictures didn't show up. I'd love to see them, though!

Don't worry - bad weeks come and go. That just means it's time for a good one! kiss
mourningglory:
You are right. Guys are the same way too. I just don't see it as much because most guys who think I'm flirting with the wife are like "alright!" wink

Tuesday Mar 28, 2006

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Being home is funny. For the first time in my life I really feel grown up. I resolved conflicts in a calm adult way, calmed my crazy sister, and paid for something to ease my stepfather's min. I wish there were more good clubs in Portland, I miss house music and dancing is so cathartic. Bleh, my head feels foggy today...
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shivasshakti:
I like that...I always have a tendency to forget the part where I still have lots of years left, and dwell on the part where 24 of them have already passed. I guess some ridiculous part of my brain is saying, "But remember how much fun you had when you were young? Now you're getting less young...what if life gets less fun?" Methinks it's time for a change in perspective. smile
starrydynamo:
I hope to move to Europe sometime in the next 2 years. I fit doesn't happen then it will deffinately be the first priority in my life that I want to accomplish. (but I'm 99% positive it will happen within 2 years)

Thursday Mar 23, 2006

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I do declare that you were all that I wanted,
but I was so stubborn, the risks were undaunted,
If you had the answers, and I wasn't told,
then that makes you selfish, heartless and cold.

If I'm sent packing and I'm giving up,
the rights to the children, the keys to the truck,
if you had the answers, then why was it hard,
to...
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solaris:
sounds like a real bitch.
_biblia_:
Do I caress their covers as I put them away?

Hell yes I do. blush

Monday Mar 20, 2006

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Thank you for all the kind words, he's doing much better and I think he's going to be fine.

I've been in a very strange mood all day, absurdly snarky, weighed down although I have no reason to be. It's as is if something is about to happen and I've picked up on it. It is as if I am some sort of universal antennae,...
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miamaze:
I know that feeling well.

Notes are universal I think wink
_biblia_:
I know that feeling. Did anything noteworthy happen?

I rarely read my old books. I just buy them for their looks.

I destroy the books I read too. smile

Friday Mar 17, 2006

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My grandfather is very sick, we have always been close. I can't be there with him now and it kills me.
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fukidunno:
I hope you both can feel better, just lost my last grandmother, and my very favorite being. I talk about her all the time she was so cool for being 97. Get to him if you can, even if it's just in your heart or dreams.
shivasshakti:
Haha, whiskey and I have been on the outs for a good two years now. I have never been quite as drunk as when I did ten - yes, ten Irish car bombs in an hour one night. It was ridiculous. Gotta love St. Pat's though, right? shocked

Tuesday Mar 14, 2006

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I used to think that all the tragic events in life were written down in books and what went on outside was just diluted crap. I thought a beautiful book was a diseased portion of the brain. I never realized that a whole world could be diseased.

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threestares:
YES, like the red queen. unfortunately i learned that it is better to be a princess than a queen.
shivasshakti:
"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

-Krishnamurti


I hear you.

[Edited on Mar 16, 2006 6:05PM]

Monday Mar 13, 2006

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It smells like spring today. I feel clean and new.

Last week was a major trial, the kind of week that makes me think "What am I doing?" makes me question my life as a cook, the culinary career path. I made a stupid mistake and the sous chef now doubts my ability to saute. I left on saturday feeling beat down, sad and tired....
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shivasshakti:
Haha, I adore food too - and cooking! - but something about eating something that was once living gives me the creeps. I'm certainly not one of those "angry vegetarians" that give the rest of us a bad name, though. I figure it's just sort of a personal thing.

My muses come in so many forms, and lots of times they aren't even people so much as they are just those moments you experience. Sex has always been at the top of my list, though, that's for sure. It's always at the front of my mind, for better or for worse. smile Maybe that's the problem - I'm looking for a muse, but don't have a concrete idea of what exactly I'm looking for.
shivasshakti:
I do the same - I can't write about experiences until I think about them more later. Maybe that's what I'm missing - reflection or something. I need to be more introspective, and I've certainly been lacking that lately!

Monday Mar 06, 2006

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If I don't get enough time to reflect, to be alone in a mass of humanity and be open to all possibility I slowly unravel, my mind stops working correctly, my muscles tense, my sleep becomes shallow and restless. Today and tommorow are for me, to be utterly selfish and blissful in solitude. You'll find me on a eastbound frieght train.
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shivasshakti:
Married life is fun! I'd compare it to having a slumber party every night, but I've done that so much I feel like I need to come up with another witty response. wink

And you? I can't wait to hear all the dirt on what you've been up to! kiss
shivasshakti:
I am so ridiculously happy for you! Congratulations on the "new life" - it sounds nothing short of perfect! kiss

And I can't wait to get what you're sending me! I'm happy to be back - I missed you!

Monday Feb 27, 2006

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It's staggeringly beautiful at this hour when every one seems to be going his own private way. Love and murder, they'ren still a few hours apart. Love and murder, I feel it coming with the dusk: new babies coming out of the womb, soft, pink flesh to get tangled up in the barbed wire and scream all night long and rot like dead bone a...
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marieceleste:
I want lots of things, I know what I want. The bigger picture things I want seem to be present in this man. But how can I tell, I barely know him yet! There are a couple of his traits that make me wary, he seems a little intense.

Thing is, my instinct is all messed up, and this is what I hate most. I really do worry that I should side-step this man, get the hell out now, and that maybe I am ignoring my most intelligent self. And then at the same time... I guess I can wait and see for couple more weeks. Ask me again in a couple of weeks.
marieceleste:
And I just read your reply. Yes, that's what is needed... patience.

Saturday Feb 25, 2006

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Lord I feel dumb today. Working too much, playing too many video games and not reading enough. This weekend I must change this....
niobe:
What are you going to read?
niobe:
Ohhh, I love Henry Miller!!!! love Good choices. smile

I love to read. smile
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