robotfuckface

let's put cream on this carcass and call it a sundae
let's fruitlessly uselessly wait for that someday
that lie and that dream that finally one day
i will amount to more than i am

more than this nightmare that cuts you to pieces
more than this hole that only increases
more than the sum of my stupid diseases
which make up this sad fucking...
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i'm going to be around for awhile. everyone take care of yourselves.


and i'm sorry. i really am.

i'm so glad i'm here.

yuffie (she doesn't want me giving out her name. i don't like actually call her yuffie.) and i are having a really good time. she's incredible. i'm totally retarded for her. like... a bunch.

the ride down was sort of a kick in the face. fifteen hours of straight driving. by the time i was here, i'd been up 26...
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yuffie is a cruel gameshow host.

just saying.

i'm packing. i leave tomorrow after work. i'm so excited i could burst into flames.

and christ i'm nervous.

holding my breath
watching the ground scream toward us
i'm praying for the pilot
a disembodied voice on a crackling intercom
whose face i know so well

holding my breath
a worry stone clenched in my teeth
i would take some cracks in my smile
if it should come to that

holding my breath
counting my heart beats
counting my cigarettes
as the ember inches...
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i cannot believe a day that started out so miserably could end so amazingly.

i could not be happier.

flabbergasted, kids. motherfucking flabbergasted.

i promise some day soon i'll try to be less vague. i would love to write several books about what is going on. just know that things are great and getting better.

i don't remember making that blog yesterday. weird. i wonder what i was no-ing.

no

i know this certainty that everything will fall into place must be crazy, but i can't shake it.

i'm just so sure. i can just... feel it.




ten more days.