ringo

That's still better than getting two nails in two different tires.

When I was 20 there wasn't much going on for me, so I quit my job and drove across the country to Portland, 2,500 miles away. During my 3 years there, there was a 20 month period in which I hadn't seen my family back in Michigan.

Family relationships are unique because in some capacity there is a history of dependence. So, you have a complex situation and it probably doesn't have a simple answer.

Last summer I was living in Shanghai when I got news that of a terminal illness in the family. I returned home right away to help my family through it. I don't care what they think of me - that's not why I came back. I'm needed, and so I had to decide if it was worth it. For my Mother, it is worth it.

For you, maybe it isn't. That's your call. No, you can't choose your family. All you can do is choose who you are and whether or not paying respect to another person, even a family member, usurps paying respect to yourself first.

I hope that made sense and helped.

I have been trying to explain this to people for years. I have one half of my family telling me I "have" to invite the other half to my wedding "because they're [my] family" I completely agree with you that one should not have to care just because you are blood related. Acceptance, understanding and love go so much farther with me than something you can't even control, something that just happens to be.