razorshimmy

So, what's the thing?
It's murder, I tell you, just murder.
I can't talk about anything on here. I just vent with phrases that don't have any meaning to anyone but me, going around and around and generally just using this site as an excuse to excercize as much verbiage as possible every time I feel melancholy and depressed.
A guy tried to hang himself...
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Why if every light is dark do I continue dancing?
Why if every light is dark do I continue dancing?
Why if every light is dark do I continue dancing?
Well, if it ain't finally a question that's worth answering?

So, wonder what I'm gonna do now. Dillemma, dillemma, chemicals and chemicals.
There was a time, when I thought I was interesting. I think it's...
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Back on my A-game, I think, feeling good about myself. Despite the fact that absolutely nothing is different, I somehow just suddenly feel better. Weird how that happens.

Living in the ghost world, always feeling like an observer. So, if I'm just an observer, who do I share these observations with?
I can only share them with myself, in the end, which is why I make long, aimless posts here. I'm essentially just processing this stuff that's in my head, and if, by some odd chance, another observer happens on it and cares...
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Well then, what would I be?
I'm wondering about growing up. People keep debating about whether it's this on-going process, but if that's the case, when does one cease being a boy and start being a man? Are the terms irrelevant? Is one a man or a woman from the moment that their born, regardless of their development? From the standards of what it means...
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So, here, at night, playing the game I play most often with people, when I'm up this late and drunk just enough, like this, I'm wondering: when I'm experiancing a moment a sweet and slow as this, that only lasts just a little while, is it worth it if there's no one else around to experiance it? The knee-jerk reaction is no, of course, but...
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I'm so terribly confused? Are we not still friends? Is there bitterness between us?
The fear, of change more than anything else, seems to drive a wedge so consistently between myself and the rest of the world. At the risk of sounding maudlin or, gods forbid, emo, I seem to exist in a place that isn't made for the likes of me. But I guess,...
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Finally, a little decent advice comes from a place I didn't expect. And I wondered before why I always keep asking the same questions to different people, even if it seems like I'm gonna get the same answer every single time. I always was bad at math. I forgot about variables, silly me. Anyway, for now, there is hope, and a generally more positive...
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Well now I'm just confused.
I say, never ask for anything, becuase you'll always get what you want, and it will never be what you expected.
So, now I'm in this funny little spot, which is where I ask to be, before I saw it being the place I would end up. There is no advice for me, nor is there a solution that will...
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You know, I keep thinking this is going to get better, but apparently I've pissed off someone who's in charge of things. Man, what a shitty couple of weeks...

Well, it just goes to show, you shouldn't say things can never get worse.
Why do I feel like I just wasted four years of my life?

I am such a total asshole. I have lost all the rights to ever bitch about people not wanting to spend time with me and never having shit to do, because sure enough, as soon as I do have someone that's really kind and sweet and fun and good to me, and who actually does want to spend time with me, naturally, I have to...
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