pudding

therapy went well. i go back on monday. actually spent some time here at the house today. tossed out half of my makeup collection, it went from being three boxes to just one. i also went through some of the sentimental shit i had been holding on to and trashed most of it. old letters from joe when he was in basic training and shit like that. part of me feels like a heartless bitch for tossing them, the other part simply will not stand for reminders that our relationship went from "i want to marry you and have like a million of your babies" to "i can't believe i wasted the last six years of my life on you." and then only the sound of uncomfortable silence. but that what i've got. throwing away the letters and dirty polaroids and misc. other bullshit is just the beginning of an event that i'm calling The Great Purging. it's about time i went through all my stuff and just fucking got rid of most of it. some things i simply refuse to part with. but other things, things riddled with guilt, and hurt feelings. that shit has gots to go. started poking around on the interweb and scoping out what the average rent is and things like that. it's a bit depressing. this place is fucking expensive. for the cost of renting a room here (not an apartment, just a room) i could rent myself a fucking two bedroom back home. bah! oh well, thus is the cost of staying and a shot at living the dream. hopefully i will get to hang out with em tomorrow. she is taking her drivers test for the second time at 2 but maybe after that we can hang out some. it's been fucking forever and i miss her dearly. i am also going to try and go to the court house tomorrow and look into divorce papers. my therapist said it should be extremely simple and over and done with in six months. sounds nice to me. oooh! my two year wedding anniversary is on the 16th, i took off that day and the next day just in case i decided to drink until i can't see straight. what do you do on the second anniversary of a loveless marriage?