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today is Nihly's "pulling up her socks" day. i had a good talk over the phone with cigs yesterday.he likes to make fun of that phrase, pull up your socks, but he has come to use it as his own. i caught him and made sure to point it out...

we are keeping up loose communication but since there's still attraction on both sides, good...
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padre:
A movie addict ha ha... you need help wink

friends only album cool... I'll be honored smile
meconqueso:
I think you and cigs are connected like a yo-yo, oly this yo-yo shocks the shit out of your hand every time it comes up. but the tingle feels kinda good, so you're like "hmm, maybe I'll try it again"

OW!
mmmmmmmmm
repeat.
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So I just got really freaked out this weekend. Mental illness is quite the inner battle, as some of you know. Sometimes I feel like I am losing it, sometimes I can fight it down Though I can't make any real promises, I think I'm fine now. But I did think of this, of course, on my way to ER...And had to write it out....
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snarky:
I think that you are just uber adorable. :]

Just to let you know.. haha

Yeah, I hate meds as well. It seems as if I have been taking them all of my life :[

What are your sleeping meds?

snarky:
Yeahhhh I am SUPPOSED to be taking Seroquel.

FUCK THAT. I have the WORST nightmares on that shit, I get cold sweats all night and swear that I and going to die every time I wake up because I can never breathe.

It does not mix will with all of my other medications and makes me into a freaking zombie, so I just dont take it anymore.. therefore, I never sleep.

Okayyy, I lied, I will sleep for about 2 hours a day and that is when someone has to be sitting right there watching me sleep, I cant sleep alone and most of the times, in my dreams, I just randomly stop breathing, so someone needs to be there to wake me up.

I hate doctors and hospitals, so I dont go. I know its stupid, but yeahhh I guess that is just how I am?
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last night i went to emerg because i keep getting depressed and i keep having suicidal thoughts. we sat for a long time, of course, and then they said they were going to do a health check, but the doctor just came in and said they couldn't do anything for me tonight, that i'd have to come in today. and that i wil porbably need...
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padre:
Glad you went to the hospital... To have someone look over you for the moment... I encourage you to get the meds and then get back to your work...

I'm sorry your dad got you sick... bummer
bridgetwnpeddler:
Sounds like a rough night. Changing meds is not the type of thing you want to do on the fly with a doc you have never seen at the Emergency room. You have a regular doc you see right? Just make it through the moment and go see them and see what they think/say.

You been doing really well for a long time. One bump in the road is not to be unexpected, just try to keep reminding yourself that.

The most powerful thing for me is always the wisdom and knowledge that "I have been here before and come out the otherside, I always do". And you do also. Use that as your bedrock, and build the rest of any recoveries on that.

By the way I just saw the post with your kinky tickets on it for Rob. HOTT! smile

Be well
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the program is at a different school!!!

the school i was at was horribly disorganized.

this school is very established. good teachers. co-ops and connections. good curriculum.

same type of thing i was studying as before...only with film as an option. photog, film, and new media

i'm going to call over my reading week and get program details.
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padre:
It turns out you get to trade up with the schools... That's good news and I already can't wait to hear about your first days at this new school smile biggrin
meconqueso:
WOO HOO! You should see some pictures that the little guy took today. Definitely an artistic eye.
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when i am bummed

and i want to say fuck it all

and run away and do things that wouldn't be the greatest

it is good to blare some music and dance stupid

i like feist for this. her videos are inventive. fun. arty. nerdy...

what the hell should i do next year guys? ryerson offers another communications arts, image arts degree

which is what...
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pinke:
ok let's be=]
happy valentine's day btw=]
el_duderino2:
yeh i love feist also.

is the program the same? why would you want to try again if it is? i'm a big fan of studying things that are stimulating and enjoyable - so if it fills that criteria - go for it.
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padre:
why are you bummed out?
pinke:
lol yes very much so=]
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got my project handed in today. got a weekend's extension on another one.

my book on Banksy, Wall and Piece, came in the mail today HOOOOORAY!

my dad wanted to buy some groceries so i went power shopping for ten minutes...

ten minutes is all i need. i can do alot of damage in ten minutes. i found green heels.

i am soooo happy. they...
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padre:
But it was such a relief to know he's still alive smile
padre:
the one with your head cocked and you have a green necklace... which one do you see?
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alexschuldt.com

that's my buddy's photography.

granted, some of it is dated. anything over two years is out-of-date

at least as fast as things move in his biz... constantly learning and improving

but the last two portrait shots he just sent me. they are very new.

he was able to drop his boss's name and get some Ford Models.

nice. so you can see why i...
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meconqueso:
that's awesome! There are some of the big sets that I would LOVE to have and build. Legos will never lose their appeal.
el_duderino2:
yeh methinks i lack the patience to be a 'computer person'

i don't have any ideas really - just nihly would be nice.

his photos are good.
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ok. i will stay here. i even changed my profile pics for you...and said i love you...because i don't feel so "flawed" anymore.aren't you lucky?!

i'm working away at school. it's getting done. i don't feel so panicky anymore. i am not worrying about cigs. i got to see some friends i hadn't seen in a long time last night. i miss them. and they...
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padre:
Yeah I dont want to say something to crass and make your bad side.. But hey you're a sexy gal... Jesus!
el_duderino2:
yup as in the canuhduh one.

they're my favourite band (according to last.fm)

i find it the same here too - either they don't know the muzak i like or they are kinda too mainstream to take a chance.

checkity check - last.fm/user/ry_style

yeh that's me alright.

i, for one, would love another nihly set - clothed or nay, either would be beautiful in book.
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ah stupid post! nvm this one...
padre:
Who are you talking to?

Us or somebody else?

confused confused confused

Personally I liked your pics and your profile pic frown
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fuck! so stressed and i am trying not to be but i can't stop it really.

i am working hard on a design project but it is so boring i want to tear my hair out.

i was so depressed for over a week, my mom knew the assignment was due tuesday and i didn't, i was so out of it. she didn't want to...
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meconqueso:
you, my little dear, need to stop by and say hi to me some time. I MISS YOU!!!!!

Ad also, you keep up the good work managing your mental state. You know I'm proud of how far you have come.

HUGS!
meconqueso:
they already had signs about motion sickness up when I went to see it. It didn't bother me at all.
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i kinda want to withdraw my sg account.

i don't look at the girls anymore really

and blogging is unimportant in the grand scheme of things

i doubt rob really likes that i have naked pics up

it just isn't doing it for me anymore. i don't have the time for it.

so if you want to keep contact, and if i don't have your...
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snarky:
>.<
>.<
>.<

that is my face right now.


YOU CANT LEAVEEEEEEEEEEE!

myspace?