*very long post today*
Is frustrated the word? Or just lost; incredibly lost? I feel crippled, like I am not whole, and yet all my body parts are in working order. In fact, they are great. I am a little bit on the lean side, yes. The weight sort of melted away slowly like the snow soon will in order to give way to spring,...
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Is frustrated the word? Or just lost; incredibly lost? I feel crippled, like I am not whole, and yet all my body parts are in working order. In fact, they are great. I am a little bit on the lean side, yes. The weight sort of melted away slowly like the snow soon will in order to give way to spring,...
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So the hospital made me super super angry yesterday. when i went to the ER three weekends ago for suicidal thoughts and very vivid imagery going through my mind, which obviously got me very scared, a pretty significant breakdown, i did the right thing, the hard thing, and did what i had to do. and all they did was fuck me around royally the whole...
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curss:
I didn't realize you've been so down for so long hun...is you need me to vent to...lemmy know...i'm usually around but not on here too much right now...haven't been feeling so great either...but not as bad as it seems for you...gimme a shout back and we'll make an msn date to talk if you want to...please feel better soon sweety.
xo
xo
today nihly finally goes to see her psychiatrist, who will hopefully sort out her meds, which clearly are not working...
why i have to hunt down my doctor when he should have gotten in touch with me after i was at the fucking ER, i don't know. lame. very lame.
so if things need to be changed, i may be a lil' messy for awhile...
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why i have to hunt down my doctor when he should have gotten in touch with me after i was at the fucking ER, i don't know. lame. very lame.
so if things need to be changed, i may be a lil' messy for awhile...
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padre:
You know it tends to come to us naturally 
I hope this guy helps out and isn't a pain about it
I hope this guy helps out and isn't a pain about it
meconqueso:
big hugs and happy thoughts
tonight i went to the movies with my hairdresser/new friend
oh i don't know if i told you but i got my hair re-done last week
i thought she was really nice and we get along well, whatever when she does my hair, i talk with her very easily
so she was complaining how her friends always let her down and she broke up with...
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oh i don't know if i told you but i got my hair re-done last week
i thought she was really nice and we get along well, whatever when she does my hair, i talk with her very easily
so she was complaining how her friends always let her down and she broke up with...
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bridgetwnpeddler:
Ooooohhhh new girlfriend? Dang... that is progress. Are you the same girl I met so long ago????? Who is this new Nihly?
Sugar Poppa eh? Define rich, I might suprise you.
So you like city life or country life better? I have my home in the city but our family has land in the country and even though most of it will be sold off my father may leave enough for us kids to build homes on if we wish. Who knows. I been thinking I would not mind a small town country lifestyle for a bit but might have to be somewhere closer to a larger natural attraction (Beach, Mountains, Lake etc...) not just farmland.
Good to hear things are going well.
Sugar Poppa eh? Define rich, I might suprise you.
So you like city life or country life better? I have my home in the city but our family has land in the country and even though most of it will be sold off my father may leave enough for us kids to build homes on if we wish. Who knows. I been thinking I would not mind a small town country lifestyle for a bit but might have to be somewhere closer to a larger natural attraction (Beach, Mountains, Lake etc...) not just farmland.
Good to hear things are going well.
meconqueso:
sorry, smile is the best I can come up with right now.
sorry, smile is the best I can come up with right now. I have been thinking a lot lately, as I often do when I cannot translate thought into action by whatever mental malady that holds me back.
Alex can be a very inspiring person to be around. I was told in my "classes", if I view myself so negatively, then get the people I know and love to write out how they see me from a-z....
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Alex can be a very inspiring person to be around. I was told in my "classes", if I view myself so negatively, then get the people I know and love to write out how they see me from a-z....
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palla:
More often than we think others have a vision of us that is much closer to reality....I know it's not easy but at least keep in your mind what Alex thinks of you.
wexsingxsin:
It's alright I am just one of those people who wants to know where everything is and have it be organized.
i am going to alex's today for the weekend because i talked to him on the phone and i miss him lots. and i am getting nothing accomplished here, holed up in my house feeling like i have no friends and getting no work done anyways.
i think i need my meds changed because i tried all of the behavioural stuff i am supposed to...
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i think i need my meds changed because i tried all of the behavioural stuff i am supposed to...
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padre:
I hope you do have a good and productive weekend... Just try and relax
meconqueso:
Good luck getting your paper done! I know you can do it. Have you tried just writing anything? ust writing to get your brain to do it and hopefully gt it revved up for the good stuff?
So what do you contribute to the world?
taxes?
garbage?
love?
i am wondering what it is I contribute, or if I just suck up air and produce waste.
...I know I help keep the economy running with shopping sprees WHOOPEE!!!
taxes?
garbage?
love?
i am wondering what it is I contribute, or if I just suck up air and produce waste.
...I know I help keep the economy running with shopping sprees WHOOPEE!!!
padre:
So very true but you also helped me
snarky:
hmmmm.
I wonder what I contribute as well?
You contribute beauty :]
I wonder what I contribute as well?
You contribute beauty :]
fucking slumping again again again. omg. sighs. and i went to the gym last night... oh poo!
i really like the show quarterlife on the internet, because NBC caught on that that's the "new" way to do things...
but it's good. and convieniently doesn't go over 10 minutes an episode to maintain interest. when i am around during the day i like to see the...
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i really like the show quarterlife on the internet, because NBC caught on that that's the "new" way to do things...
but it's good. and convieniently doesn't go over 10 minutes an episode to maintain interest. when i am around during the day i like to see the...
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padre:
fair enough.... I went and had a 2 hour long talk about highschool and college and after college.. it was quite a depressing conversation when it got to my ex fiance... 
so here i am just reading blogs hoping to laugh
so here i am just reading blogs hoping to laugh
I never really thought I would ever say this...
but I miss manic Nihly. she may have been fucked up, but there was a sort of comfort in that confusion. and it didn't really matter how people viewed me, or my actions, because i was so spacey i didn't even notice hahaha I wrote more and i got more done creatively, and i fucked liked...
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but I miss manic Nihly. she may have been fucked up, but there was a sort of comfort in that confusion. and it didn't really matter how people viewed me, or my actions, because i was so spacey i didn't even notice hahaha I wrote more and i got more done creatively, and i fucked liked...
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padre:
I think it's a matter of perspective my friend... None the less things are still getting done and you're still fucking... You just got to learn how to live as stable Nihly... It's possible and I hope you fine it... Cuz this is the way we're meant to be
Just got to remember all the bullshit that came with it... I hope you saw a lot of avoidable bullshit ha ha
Anyway I'm speaking to you as a friend... Love ya lady
Just got to remember all the bullshit that came with it... I hope you saw a lot of avoidable bullshit ha ha
Anyway I'm speaking to you as a friend... Love ya lady
meconqueso:
the extremes at either end aren't good to stay at, though I could stand for a tiny spurt of mania myself.
Try to keep an even keel and work up to a more active state. You don't want rapid cycling to happen anymore.
Try to keep an even keel and work up to a more active state. You don't want rapid cycling to happen anymore.
I am not the greatest cake-baker but thank god for icing!!!
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bridgetwnpeddler:
nobody is loving you for your baking skills i take it?
meconqueso:
mmmm icing, gimme gimme
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curss:
Awww...thanks so much sweety...you're one of the best xoxo
enric:
RIP Ryker ...
HAHA! I was finally able to get my username fixed to what i wanted in the first place. Some other Nihly must have left...
i am doing better.i went to go to sleep yesterday after class, like i have been lately, just got to bed and go to sleep alot. but then i wasn't tired and i got up and i did work.
FINALLY! ahhhh...
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i am doing better.i went to go to sleep yesterday after class, like i have been lately, just got to bed and go to sleep alot. but then i wasn't tired and i got up and i did work.
FINALLY! ahhhh...
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curss:
Thanks hunny...it's pretty quiet around here right now...poor lil girl cat doesn't understand where he went and why she's alone so much now...hey...when the weather gets nicer you should come visit and we'll hang out and eat and drink and watch flicks sometime...miss ya!!!
I'm glad to hear that things are lookin brighter for ya this last while...
sorry I haven't been around here very much...life gets in my way alot.
xoxo
I'm glad to hear that things are lookin brighter for ya this last while...
sorry I haven't been around here very much...life gets in my way alot.
xoxo
el_duderino2:
yeh our premier of the state at the moment is being a jerk.
we elected a new prime minister last year, and he's doing a fantastic job, but his idea of an 'education revolution' is to give parents vouchers for laptops.
for me a real revolution would mean: Redistributing funds so that independents don't get so much money
Re-evaluating the purpose of education in a modern society
Reshaping the education system (including higher education) to reflect that
Paying teachers more (better pay = better teachers - both in the sense that they are content and also in the sense that better pay makes the availability more competitive and thus teachers will begin to raise the bar even more.
People are quick to slip the boot in how the system lets them down - but each person has a responsibility to fight for an education system worth enrolling in. I'm not saying it's a waste of time now - i wouldn't be a teacher if i did. But i do think it could be better. a lot better.
i am glad that you are doing well. keep going.
we elected a new prime minister last year, and he's doing a fantastic job, but his idea of an 'education revolution' is to give parents vouchers for laptops.
for me a real revolution would mean: Redistributing funds so that independents don't get so much money
Re-evaluating the purpose of education in a modern society
Reshaping the education system (including higher education) to reflect that
Paying teachers more (better pay = better teachers - both in the sense that they are content and also in the sense that better pay makes the availability more competitive and thus teachers will begin to raise the bar even more.
People are quick to slip the boot in how the system lets them down - but each person has a responsibility to fight for an education system worth enrolling in. I'm not saying it's a waste of time now - i wouldn't be a teacher if i did. But i do think it could be better. a lot better.
i am glad that you are doing well. keep going.
Your blog on the other hand has been a flurry of activity that I can hardly keep up with. Your life is one adventure after another my friend.
You always come out on top. When it gets tough just remember you always come out the other side. It is the best thing to hold onto.. your experience. Also I am inclined to believe that as you age you will experience these ups and downs less and less as your experience tells you how to manage them better. I know... I lived it.
Best,
Sean
i love that stars song by the by.
hope you're feeling well.