i take a lot of pills.
pills to make it through the day. pills to sleep. pills to wake up. pills.pills.pills.
i am a pill.
har.
thing is. i can't sleep. i walk through the day unsure if i'm walking. and i am very rarely outside of my own little snowglobe. argh.
and the consumption sitting all curled up in it's niceness that is my...
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pills to make it through the day. pills to sleep. pills to wake up. pills.pills.pills.
i am a pill.
har.
thing is. i can't sleep. i walk through the day unsure if i'm walking. and i am very rarely outside of my own little snowglobe. argh.
and the consumption sitting all curled up in it's niceness that is my...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i had another jules dream.
beck. we were on these high-speed trains again and it seemed very much like not now, but later- and you and jules and i were taking the tards to australia although for some reason we were currently travelling through nashville. it was strange. island-like.
and then. you. and jules. and i. were free. free from tards. and in this mall-like-thing....
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beck. we were on these high-speed trains again and it seemed very much like not now, but later- and you and jules and i were taking the tards to australia although for some reason we were currently travelling through nashville. it was strange. island-like.
and then. you. and jules. and i. were free. free from tards. and in this mall-like-thing....
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i have to work today and i'm off the next two. mom is having surgery on wednesday and i have to re-schedule mine. but honestly. i am procrastinating. i am. pushing it back. and. avoiding the issue. even.the.thought. of going.
also- there are too many leaks in this apartment. the water is some times too hot and the heat rarely works so my nose is...
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also- there are too many leaks in this apartment. the water is some times too hot and the heat rarely works so my nose is...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
my mom said she is sending me a c.d. of those pictures we took in kentucky. including the "wedding" picture to put in the newspaper. she said that one was awesome. hopefully my cd drive will read it. i've been having problems with it. grrr. anyway. lots of sleeping yesterday too. too early. i'm going to make coffee. love you.
-beck.
-beck.
melvina:
mad mad love babe, i've been trying to call you for days but no one ever answers! i will try again today.
i agree to run away. let's do it. i'm tired and every thing is indeed slipping away.
i had one of those jules dreams this morning. we were on a train going very fast, seated very close to one another. you and i had strong, tall, intelligent men with us for some reason adn your brother was sitting with a small clown behind us. and jules and you and i. became angry. over some thing.
and we pushed this guy out of the train and he hung on to the doors but the train was going so fast, he flew off as jules was slamming the doors on him and cackling.
we all cackled.
the three fates of us.
we did. <3
i agree to run away. let's do it. i'm tired and every thing is indeed slipping away.
i had one of those jules dreams this morning. we were on a train going very fast, seated very close to one another. you and i had strong, tall, intelligent men with us for some reason adn your brother was sitting with a small clown behind us. and jules and you and i. became angry. over some thing.
and we pushed this guy out of the train and he hung on to the doors but the train was going so fast, he flew off as jules was slamming the doors on him and cackling.
we all cackled.
the three fates of us.
we did. <3
la la la.
i have bronchitis for the first time ever. and.
it sucks.
and.
beck. i miss you. come back. <3
i have bronchitis for the first time ever. and.
it sucks.
and.
beck. i miss you. come back. <3
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nephares6:
ok. I think I'm starting to get it. Hi.
melvina:
rawr? get it? get what? and. HI. 
yeah. today. today just. sucks.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
LOOOOOOOVE!
gotta go to work now. *hugs* i miss you. i'll call tomorrow.
-beck.
gotta go to work now. *hugs* i miss you. i'll call tomorrow.
-beck.
hyenahell:
i miss you. 
i don't like the holidays. i don't celebrate them either. i drove by a lot of places yesterday on my way to see my parents. no. we don't cook any more, or put up a tree or even have presents. we just sit. but every one had cars and cars in their driveways, signalling xmas get-togethers which made me envious. i went to the graveyard...
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melvina:
wish i knew what fuckin road.
hyenahell:
uhg. need to make coffee. don't think i'm awake enough to try and make it with the french press. i think scalding coffee would spew out because i am obviously going to push the plunger thingy too hard. because. i do everything too hard.
miss you. i'll call you before i go to work tonight.
-the beck.
miss you. i'll call you before i go to work tonight.
-the beck.
so i'm not in dallas.
why?
well. mainly because the first plane i was supposed to be on was hit by a truck.
don't ask. i really don't know how that happened.
and after that. my flights kept getting cancelled. one after the other. and i finally got one that wasn't cancelled. (yet.) but. thing is. for a few days before i left. and on...
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why?
well. mainly because the first plane i was supposed to be on was hit by a truck.
don't ask. i really don't know how that happened.
and after that. my flights kept getting cancelled. one after the other. and i finally got one that wasn't cancelled. (yet.) but. thing is. for a few days before i left. and on...
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so flying into dallas tomorrow but that involves surviving the day, in which it is snowing and. many things can happen.
i dreamed about an overflowing sink of water and Goat last night. i don't remember any thing else but a veil.
i worked a long, long day yesterday and got a bit of sleep last night and i feel a little better. then again,...
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i dreamed about an overflowing sink of water and Goat last night. i don't remember any thing else but a veil.
i worked a long, long day yesterday and got a bit of sleep last night and i feel a little better. then again,...
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hyenahell:
i have things for you from goat. i will wave at you when i'm in the air tomorrow. love you.
-beck.
-beck.
i've got a med trip this morning and it's too early for me to get up and well, i suppose tomorrow won't be any better because i've got to get up at 5.a.m.
ugh.
yeah. can you feel it?
i have to drive to LEX this afternoon after chokign down some tea and cream of wheat, which tastes a lot like glue at the moment....
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ugh.
yeah. can you feel it?
i have to drive to LEX this afternoon after chokign down some tea and cream of wheat, which tastes a lot like glue at the moment....
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
hate planes. ponch is good on the plane, as long as he doesn't look at the window when they're taking off. then he gets scared. it also makes his ears pop, and he hates that. i think the beck hates flying more than the ponch, though. he is a sky-dog. they need to give him a special pin, or maybe a little hat, i think.
hehehe. i will not abuse your passwords. i swear it.
just ate some sushi, now wasting time before i go to work. bleh. and meh. both, together. that is what i say. haven't been making any decent money. but. i do have two paychecks to deposit. so yay. to that...
rawr. love you.
-beck.
hehehe. i will not abuse your passwords. i swear it.
just ate some sushi, now wasting time before i go to work. bleh. and meh. both, together. that is what i say. haven't been making any decent money. but. i do have two paychecks to deposit. so yay. to that...
rawr. love you.
-beck.
melvina:
meh, i am awake and it is snowing which means one of two things.
1.) tomorrow when beck and mel fly at the same time yet seperately, it will be snowing which makes at least the mel nervous if not the beck.
2.) no one will come in on 3rd shift tonight if it sticks and they'll hold us all over and i'll miss my plane.
ARGH. such luck but perhaps jules will the with us and make sure we both get to where we're going the right damned way.
it's cold this morning. i packed last night in ten minutes. flash-packing. i don't even know what i'll be wearing but eh. oh well.
rambling. will call later as i shall be trapped within home for hours with insane ladies.
madlove, mel
1.) tomorrow when beck and mel fly at the same time yet seperately, it will be snowing which makes at least the mel nervous if not the beck.
2.) no one will come in on 3rd shift tonight if it sticks and they'll hold us all over and i'll miss my plane.
ARGH. such luck but perhaps jules will the with us and make sure we both get to where we're going the right damned way.
it's cold this morning. i packed last night in ten minutes. flash-packing. i don't even know what i'll be wearing but eh. oh well.
rambling. will call later as i shall be trapped within home for hours with insane ladies.
madlove, mel
no.cancer.
yay.
it's just pre-cancerous shit which will be scraped out of me next month (ew. ow.) and i'm going to have to watch it because there's no guarantee that i will not have cancer out of the blue some other time.
meh to that but yay for right now.
i don't want to go to work. i'm off the next two days. and. i'm...
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yay.
it's just pre-cancerous shit which will be scraped out of me next month (ew. ow.) and i'm going to have to watch it because there's no guarantee that i will not have cancer out of the blue some other time.
meh to that but yay for right now.
i don't want to go to work. i'm off the next two days. and. i'm...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
it's 8 thirty. i'm out of coffee and it's too cold to go get some. really. i'm dying, here. have to take ponch to the vet in an hour, anyway. so i sit.
4 more days.
4 more days.
melvina:
there are people still aat my house from last night. i have been awake on and off all night. i am tired of seeing other people in my house. i have started the morning my re-piercing my nose and hitting my head with my fist more than five times. hitting the wall more than twice. and managing to have every thing i touch this morning TURN OUT WRONG.
no time for coffee, no time for tea, no patience for beer being spilled all over my house and people almost pissing on my door.
i hate today.
i'll call you later. sweet talk me and it'll make me feel better.
madlove. mel (and love to ponch.)
no time for coffee, no time for tea, no patience for beer being spilled all over my house and people almost pissing on my door.
i hate today.
i'll call you later. sweet talk me and it'll make me feel better.
madlove. mel (and love to ponch.)
i've been having one of those lucid, run-on sort of dreams that start and just keep going, whether you wake up several times or not. and i have. woken up. a lot.
and i loved this boy, once, for about a month and a day- blindly because it was as it was- and he was dating jules. he said that he loved me but loved...
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and i loved this boy, once, for about a month and a day- blindly because it was as it was- and he was dating jules. he said that he loved me but loved...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
rawr... that is probably a good idea. i wish you didn't have to do it at all. and i wish i could be with you in dallas. i looked at prices but i don't think i can afford it. but. i will go sit on jules the 22nd. and bring her things. and i'll be with you in my heart.
melvina:
YAY. i am so glad you will go sit on jules. i want to beck, i just don't think i'd be any good at all in town that week. you know. ending up in jail and on would be bad because i'd just get angry. there is no jusitce for jules, after a year of trying. and i hate it.
i hope jeremiah does not show up that night but i bet he will just to make people feel sorry for him even though he's fucked around so much since he killed her and apparently has knocked up micheal foster's sister, for gods sake.
fuck. meh. fuck, meh meh.
i have to go back to work. my boss is talking to me like i'm a resident there and it's pissing me off a lot and i am trying like hell to keep my temper. gr!
i have to call mike in the next week or so to make an appointment for chest or not. i feel extremely guilty about rushing the artist just because i want some pain therapy. you can torture me later and get all your time back. or. you know. i can move and just make it up to you.
madlove. mel
i hope jeremiah does not show up that night but i bet he will just to make people feel sorry for him even though he's fucked around so much since he killed her and apparently has knocked up micheal foster's sister, for gods sake.
fuck. meh. fuck, meh meh.
i have to go back to work. my boss is talking to me like i'm a resident there and it's pissing me off a lot and i am trying like hell to keep my temper. gr!
i have to call mike in the next week or so to make an appointment for chest or not. i feel extremely guilty about rushing the artist just because i want some pain therapy. you can torture me later and get all your time back. or. you know. i can move and just make it up to you.
madlove. mel
if i look at a certain angle at the picture of jules, on my desk- to the left. in the dark with just the light shining through the window that is covered by a blanket and the very dim one from the hall-
i see. my face meld into hers. my face fits right into the right side of her- which is where i always...
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i see. my face meld into hers. my face fits right into the right side of her- which is where i always...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
sorry i didn't call back last night. fell asleep. so. when you wake up, call. hope everything goes well today. i love you more than anything. call me after the doc. if you feel up to it. i'll be thinking of you.
my heart.
-beck.
my heart.
-beck.
melvina:
it's ok the gsm lines here weren't working last night. so. my line woul dhave been dead any way. love.you.too.
[Edited on Feb 01, 2005 6:22PM]
-beck.