away from the internet.
unconnected.
cable-less.
GOD.
talk about bored. and going through withdrawl.
i know. it's strange. but fuck you, i've been moving and can't get connected till wednesday.
ARGH.
at a friend's and updating quickly, i will be back soon, i am dying. dying. to write and beck. i will call. promise, i just didn't know when to since it's a weekend and...
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unconnected.
cable-less.
GOD.
talk about bored. and going through withdrawl.
i know. it's strange. but fuck you, i've been moving and can't get connected till wednesday.
ARGH.
at a friend's and updating quickly, i will be back soon, i am dying. dying. to write and beck. i will call. promise, i just didn't know when to since it's a weekend and...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
the dream, the last one. of course i know what it means, of course, jules. this one is not blind.
escape, escape for beck and i. our freedom comes. ourselves we will reinvent. resurface. we can be the three again, with one just far, far away. at least beck and i can continue together. and our escape. it will be fruitful and a success. (put...
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escape, escape for beck and i. our freedom comes. ourselves we will reinvent. resurface. we can be the three again, with one just far, far away. at least beck and i can continue together. and our escape. it will be fruitful and a success. (put...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
i had to go to bed. because he wasn't dead yet. and i was tired. but i'm awake now... rawr.
derelict:
I bet your dreams are amazingly vivid. The only ones I have these days are of I life I will never know. Not the kind you speak of(I don't think) but those of freedom and an unlife, strange as it may seem. I can feel them....like a touch, or a chill, or wetness. One night this week during a storm, I awoke from lightning standing outside on my porch...how I got there I do not know , but I could tell you every second of the dream. Here's hoping I remeber them as you do.
Get in touch with me, so I don't have to look you up!!!!
-Tash
PS I mean it!!!!!!!
I'll leave my number in your contact if I need to!
Get in touch with me, so I don't have to look you up!!!!
-Tash
PS I mean it!!!!!!!
I'll leave my number in your contact if I need to!
i've been dreaming hard this week. this morning, i will tell you what i saw. mainly for beck, because. she knows.
jules and i. and. hyena. we were in a mental institution. (big.surprise.) it was grand to be together but the place was overwhelming. and throughout the place, there were our tards. (affectionately referred to as, people. don't get offended. i love 'em.) and...
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jules and i. and. hyena. we were in a mental institution. (big.surprise.) it was grand to be together but the place was overwhelming. and throughout the place, there were our tards. (affectionately referred to as, people. don't get offended. i love 'em.) and...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
swizal:
yay i am in your dreams i am fucking lucky!!! its not every day or should i say night that i am in a really fuckin hot chics dreams!!! but it sounds really cool i am glad i was apart of it!
melvina:
haha.
beck. i am moving and i shall call. tomorrow when i am done and alone!
p.s. tell goat i said hi. mad mad love. and that i shall also call him soon.
mu ha. tell me your dreams. i know what mine means... i bet you do too, beck...
and. aw. it was rather lovely to see you in the dead land, justin. come back soon.
more later.
beck. i am moving and i shall call. tomorrow when i am done and alone!
p.s. tell goat i said hi. mad mad love. and that i shall also call him soon.
mu ha. tell me your dreams. i know what mine means... i bet you do too, beck...
and. aw. it was rather lovely to see you in the dead land, justin. come back soon.
more later.
i haven't done anything today.
nothing.
zero.
less than.
nothing.
i went out briefly to retrieve some. relief. my other medication i can pick up tomorrow.
which reminds me to take it now. but. THE POINT IS.
my mom just called. she's going to bed. we're going out tomorrow. she's going to get me up at the crack.as.of.dawn. and. i. had a cat in my...
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nothing.
zero.
less than.
nothing.
i went out briefly to retrieve some. relief. my other medication i can pick up tomorrow.
which reminds me to take it now. but. THE POINT IS.
my mom just called. she's going to bed. we're going out tomorrow. she's going to get me up at the crack.as.of.dawn. and. i. had a cat in my...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
melvina:
bwahahaha... you guys are so funny.. or maybe i got up too early.
no. i think it's funniness.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
my mother is wonderful. the cat. sigh. he is retarded but what can you do. he's old as fuck. in fact. he just pissed in my bathroom this morning... grrr!
no. i think it's funniness.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
my mother is wonderful. the cat. sigh. he is retarded but what can you do. he's old as fuck. in fact. he just pissed in my bathroom this morning... grrr!
nikonphoto80:
Cats pissing in the bathroom Flore cant get much better than that heheheheheeh 
tonight. like most nights. i wish. like fuck. i were still doing technical support. at least i wouldn't have to look at any one.
unfortunately. i work at the local MHMR facility. FUN. really.
can you tell i've had a bad night? BUT. i have the next two days off. which means. packing like mad. and. searching for bits and pieces of furniture. and. MOVING....
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unfortunately. i work at the local MHMR facility. FUN. really.
can you tell i've had a bad night? BUT. i have the next two days off. which means. packing like mad. and. searching for bits and pieces of furniture. and. MOVING....
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nikonphoto80:
Well I dont know what it is like to lose a twin I have never had one. But I do know what it is like to lose a friend best friend even, one with 2 kids and one on the way and I wife one that toke his own life with a gun, one that took his own life with his young kids in the room, when he was young he always said he was going to shot himself but he never did, I thought he was happy now I guess I was wrong. So no I dont know what it is like to lose a twin but at one point in our life we were almost like brothers.
I hope you dont do what he did, it hurts so many more than just you it hurts every one around you, you may not think any one loves you but im sure that there is.
[Edited on Mar 24, 2005 11:47PM]
I hope you dont do what he did, it hurts so many more than just you it hurts every one around you, you may not think any one loves you but im sure that there is.
[Edited on Mar 24, 2005 11:47PM]
I.GOT.THE.MOTHER.FUCKING.APARTMENT.
that's right, babies. hopefully as of the 1st of the month or round about, i shall be happily planted on top of the embalming room of somerset undertaking. ALONE. did i mention, i'll be living alone?
a mad relief. a mad. mad. relief.
also- i must return to work tomorrow. my name has been cleared. i don't know if i actually updated about it,...
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that's right, babies. hopefully as of the 1st of the month or round about, i shall be happily planted on top of the embalming room of somerset undertaking. ALONE. did i mention, i'll be living alone?
a mad relief. a mad. mad. relief.
also- i must return to work tomorrow. my name has been cleared. i don't know if i actually updated about it,...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
swizal:
yay 4 you i should bake you a cake as a house warming gift
melvina:
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
wait a second. a man that can bake?
this could be impressive. and the thought. is lovely any way.
wait a second. a man that can bake?
this could be impressive. and the thought. is lovely any way.
oo la la, ladies and gents.
i took my mother shopping in LEX yesterday and ran into that gentleman above (i.e. swizal) who made an absolutely.lovely.tshirt. for me.
and when i get a camera. i'll take a picture for you.
no, wait.. you people don't want to see pictures, do you? i'd scare ya.
beck. mad love. that, too.
i took my mother shopping in LEX yesterday and ran into that gentleman above (i.e. swizal) who made an absolutely.lovely.tshirt. for me.
and when i get a camera. i'll take a picture for you.
no, wait.. you people don't want to see pictures, do you? i'd scare ya.
beck. mad love. that, too.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
melvina:
bwahahaha. dear heart. spending all day in the back of that store must have made you blind! but. because hyena would beat me mercilessly. i will say. THANK YOU. and try very hard not to turn red. (even though. i think i am.)
compliments are hard. <3
compliments are hard. <3
hyenahell:
mercilessly, i tell you. i'm a fiend like that.
it's been. just. a. bad.day.
however. i did get to talk to beck this afternoon. made me happy. always makes me smile, despite myself and my talent of wallowing internally in some sort of insipid and ever-lasting miserable-ness.
but.
i also-
checked out a new apartment. on top of a funeral home. on top of the body-cars and embalming room.
right.behind.the.crematorium.
i hope i can...
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however. i did get to talk to beck this afternoon. made me happy. always makes me smile, despite myself and my talent of wallowing internally in some sort of insipid and ever-lasting miserable-ness.
but.
i also-
checked out a new apartment. on top of a funeral home. on top of the body-cars and embalming room.
right.behind.the.crematorium.
i hope i can...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
swizal:
guy from cosmic saying hi i guess to bad we couldnt do any thing sometime though we have to!!!justin
derelict:
Wallow away my dear, I am too. Mud, muck, and selfpitty.
Nice you found a apt over a funeral home, it might be strange, and wonderful....but hope no soles are lost in there. Best wished. Stay in touch.
derelict(Tash)
Nice you found a apt over a funeral home, it might be strange, and wonderful....but hope no soles are lost in there. Best wished. Stay in touch.
derelict(Tash)
it's snowing. and i just about killed myself on the way home, going down a hill in town.
i attribute my survival to my excellent non-panicking-driving-skills and the fact that jules and johnna must love me up there. cause. that telephone pole and ravine came awfully close.
i have a headache.
i attribute my survival to my excellent non-panicking-driving-skills and the fact that jules and johnna must love me up there. cause. that telephone pole and ravine came awfully close.
i have a headache.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
here is Botticelli's 3 graces, from "Primavera". the color's a little off, but it's the best one i could find on the web.
here is a close-up, with better color.
that is the tattoo i want. of us.
here is a close-up, with better color.
that is the tattoo i want. of us.
melvina:
that last one is it. is it. the one. with. the hair colors. as. they should be. and. that will be us. i... want mine.. some how on an arm.. bicep. some thing.. in a.. cameo.. some thing like setting. i just woke up. to work. i love you. more.later.mad.love.mel
all right. so it's been a while.
mainly because. february has consisted of the following:
- johnna dying and the funeral being much much too much like jules'.
- surgery for cervical cancer for mel. yay, general anasthesia (and i don't care if it's spelled wrong.)
- being hurt at work and being off an ENTIRE month and more, without pay. hmm. wonder how those...
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mainly because. february has consisted of the following:
- johnna dying and the funeral being much much too much like jules'.
- surgery for cervical cancer for mel. yay, general anasthesia (and i don't care if it's spelled wrong.)
- being hurt at work and being off an ENTIRE month and more, without pay. hmm. wonder how those...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
eh, to each their own. speaking of which, i'm quite sure i'd rather just be. on. my. own. goddammit. you know. alone. or at least... well, you know. we've had this conversation a million times. and i hate everyone but you. i swear. ak. love. manic. love. heh.
-beck.
-beck.
melvina:
tis ok. i would rather be aloen myself and she knows it and is quite all right. yay. i am manic also. no sleep. meh, meh. i love you. meh. and. <3
johnna was in the same room as jules. different casket. same flowers... things. all i could see was jules.
i felt them hanging from the chandeliers, laughing at me in heels and suit.
jules is no longer alone and for that i am thankful.
johnna being one of only two friends that i have managed to obtain in town.. i miss her terribly. we buried...
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i felt them hanging from the chandeliers, laughing at me in heels and suit.
jules is no longer alone and for that i am thankful.
johnna being one of only two friends that i have managed to obtain in town.. i miss her terribly. we buried...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
melvina:
i've been out in pill-hell of the dead hours for days. promise to straighten up and call you. mad mad love to you and lovely goat.
and as a side note. there have been birds after dark, just two in the trees- that are bare, inside oakwood.
<3
and as a side note. there have been birds after dark, just two in the trees- that are bare, inside oakwood.
<3
hyenahell:
going to bed. wish i'd caught you sooner. you o.k.? odd dreams here. i'll tell you more later. wrote out a small bit in my journal on here. it was odd. quite. that man was in them again. anyway. love you forever, dear. i'll call you when i wake up.
-beck.
-beck.
as if being in a neck brace and using a cane isn't enough for me this week. work, you know.
my sister's best friend and a very very good friend of mine here. was killed last night while in the car with a drunk driver. her death was slow. and the conversation i had on the phone with her husband was verbatum, to the words...
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my sister's best friend and a very very good friend of mine here. was killed last night while in the car with a drunk driver. her death was slow. and the conversation i had on the phone with her husband was verbatum, to the words...
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oh. and. i am becky-duck. or so goat calls me. and goat is goat.