kurtz

i have no tolerance for alcohol induced retardation..... even if it is my own..... i seriously wanted to beat the crap outta everybody last night..... no fun at all..... remind me to never listen to any of jody's suggestions ever again..... stayed up too late talking to the hellcat..... and probably put my foot in my mouth more than once..... oh well..... played my guitar...
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i got up fucking EARLY..... on a saturday? what the fuck is up with that? got a rockin' b-day celebration planned for my sister tonight..... gonna drive out to the middle of nowhere to this redneck booze mecca called schindlers tavern...... don't think we're on the list..... but they do have bologna-burgers...... you'd have to have one to even think about passing judgment..... then i...
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"major depressive syndrome"...... that's what they tell me..... and i could have told them the same...... starting treatment consisting of medication, behavior modification, and psychotherapy...... i'm terrified yet eager...... it feels like i have eased my burden by finally accepting that i needed help.....when the shrink was describing symptom scenarios, i sat there and smiled..... my life in a book..... but then i got depressed...
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fuckit..... things will progress..... i need a muse again..... preferably one that applies knee to groin when they disagree..... but be advised i can strike back....... i want to be irresponsible again..... no..... i want to have actions that defy responsibility completely...... i'm gonna fuck you up, mama...... balls to heaven......

thanks for all the kind words of late...... especially to one belle and the kick ass couple and my old pal chiquita...... they know who they are...... the words mean alot..... but it is time i start doing things to deserve them..... a meeting has been scheduled and maybe a bit of yakking and some fun pills might help start this engine again..... i have...
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i'm such a naive asshole...... and apparently, i'm pretty good at making others feel shitty...... fuck.....

kurtz is going to memphis to meet the hellcat...... wish him luck.....

i haven't had a crush like this for ages..... it's too fast, too sudden..... and feels too right to be ignored..... perhaps i needed this..... fuck, who am i kidding..... i definitely needed it...... and it seems like needing is the factor to be discussed..... maybe it's time and fate, maybe it's a constructive shuffling of names...... maybe it's selfishness..... she's gonna read this..... and...
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kurtz need some chaos in his life...... some old-fashioned debauchery...... a bit of irresponsibility...... a dash of fear..... an ounce of freedom..... inspire me..... i dare you.....

regret....... don't ever....... i know it's hard..... but so is realization..... i need love..... so do you...... hesitation is what put me in this situation..... there are fine lines..... and there are shaky signs....... i need love..... i crave it..... but do you? DO YOU?

had a very quiet weekend..... on call for work...... watched 28 days later..... spooky and depressing..... and northfork..... beautiful, surreal, and kinda depressing..... bought the converge dvd...... a little dissapointed with the sound quality, but it was fun seeing those balls-out performances..... and i bought neil young's rust never sleeps dvd....... GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!!! a great show..... my roommate left for hawaii this morning,...
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which do you prefer...... waiting for guffman, best in show, or a mighty wind?

no, you cannot choose spinal tap.....

oh, yeah..... new pics.....