kristoph

i can't sleep anymore
there's too much.
i wake at 1, 3, 5, convinced that i've been calling people...checking my phone to make sure i haven't just said what i think i've said to that person.
i keep waking in the middle of my room clutching a pillow and wondering what the fuck i'm doing there.
my mind is restless.
and self medication isn't working....
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i want to be someone's better offer.
xxx

last day at work today.
they're making us do the cocking megastore's work for em.
motherfuckers.
i'm glad to be out of the company.
my payoff clears my overdraft.
but now what?

that wasn't rhetorical.
really, please someone tell me what to do now.
please.

x

and after all
i'll always be
as the record spins
and your words remind me

we stole our names
and we spat each line
til it all came true
with age
with time

in green and black
you spelt it plain
in small pink doses
i'll forget again

it's more than deep
it's less than perfect
it's always tragic
it's never worth it.

xxx

yoyoyo!
this is a call out to any strippers, or wannabe strippers or amateur dancers or anyone who knows any of the above. preferably in the bristol area.
your services are needed on the 10th of march for my friend's 21st birthday soiree.
11:30-12am
if you think you, or someone you know, are up to the task please send me a picture and details of...
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you know when you reeeeeeeally want to hate a band..
purely because there's all this hype and bullshit surrounding them?
and you've heard the single and you're all "yeah, radio-friendly chart shite"?
and then you end up being somewhere and the whole album is being played but you don't know it's them til the song you know comes on and you've really liked the songs...
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ok.
i officially have no idea what to do now. about anything.
yesterday was just one slap in the face after another. all of which i really didn't need right now.
my trip to birmingham to hang with AlwaysBeingBlue has officially been fucked. and i bought the tickets as well. i needed to get out of this city and be around someone who gets me....
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i know what each breath means
between the silence
i feel the urgency
in each stuttered response.

behind each syllable
rests the loss of a lover
betrayed by the choking of each word from your mouth.

and there's distance
there's closure
but you're opening sutures
and you're pulling the stitches
and letting them in.
with their beatle wing fingernails
shaking insiscions
radio static
unspeakable sin....
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so let's draw straws for who gets to push.

these were the only words in my head this morning.

apart from this...

"i'll just have to hope that when i flip the coin
it somehow explodes and kills me"



xxx

something cryptic.
x

emo post #6376.7

i need to stop drunken posting.
i need to stop drinking perhaps is the answer.
or maybe i just need to stop drinking whole bottles of jack to myself and then chasing it with beer...?
i also need to stop dwelling.
i end up making myself feel sick.
and angry.

i need to stop thinking the people who i love and who...
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i'm such a fucking waste.
i lose.
again.
x