jeremyejones

I left my new home last night around two in the morning. I had been thinking about re-shearing my hair, but didn't want to make a mess in the bathroom. So, I concluded that instead I should make sure I do it in the shower, with the water running continuously, so it would keep washing the hair down and never clog. Then I realize how...
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First up, the Tokyo Xmas music video for the Whiskey Avengers. My buddy Ethan directed and I was the fight choreographer/stunt santa/nerd elf/costume designer:

http://www.whiskeyavengers.com/videos/tokyoxmas_320x240.wmv

And now, the painful part

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78e-KDmZRkM

My first ever appearance as a stand-up comedian. So, here's the story:

Last Thursday night, my friend Luke suddenly informs me that I'm scheduled to be doing standup at his bi-weekly show on Sunday...
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I like watching pirated movies online. Not because they're free, but because it's like sitting with the audience and you can hear people laugh and cheer. And occasionally snore.

J: I could take a kangaroo.

E: They're very dangerous, the males, and that was a biiiig boy.

J: But! They stand upright.
So I could totally uppercut him!
In the face!

E: He's taller than you.

J: That's fine; even better.

E: See the muscles on his chest? He was a chunky monkey.

J: Mmmhmm.
But!
I've got more training than him, and the...
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Birthday Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
Thanksgiving Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
Christmas Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.
New Year's Eve Plans: Get up, work out, shower, go to work, sleep.

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Circa: About a year ago

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Boy and girl have obtained a pizza. Boy places pizza on area of bigsoftcushything where they will sit and watch a movie. Boy goes to get beverage and sits back down upon bigsoftcushything. Wondering where his food has gone, boy has a lost look about him. Boy suddenly realizes he's sat on pizza. Girl notices and laughs at...
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You know that part in Teen Wolf, when Michael J. Fox turns into a werewolf suddenly during basketball practice, and no one calls the authorities, or freaks out, or tries to shoot him, or anything, they just all think it's really awesome and take him out for pizza and drinks?

I wish life were more like that.

Just a Thought, #113:

It is not polite, during a sexual encounter, to shout at your partner, "Commence docking procedures!," complete with sound effects.

It's also not polite, shortly thereafter in said encounter, to frantically call out, "Abort and withdraw! Abort and withdraw!" and run away.

Just a thought.

Observations:

- Portals, it seems, are living ethereal creatures, like invisible clouds, that exist on two planes. They absorb and break you, or anything, down to absorb your energy, which is their life-food. Then they excrete you, recomposed, but with less energy, somewhere else. So, while it's relatively safe to pass inanimate objects through them without harm (because the portals seem to reject and pass...
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Jeremy is up against over 300 other hopefuls for a lead role in a feature-length action film with Jino Kang, a pretty legendary martial artist/actor. You should make clappy best of luck-well-wishy pray-time for him.

Or, conversely, start a letter-writing campaign.

I dropped my bowl while making macaroni.

There was no cheese (powder) yet, so that's good, at least.

But.

It broke.

I had two, should someday someone ever come over, and eat macaroni with me.

Now there's only one.

Jesse: Could you smash a coffee cup with your bare hands?

Jeremy: Well, I can smash the hopes and dreams of a child with but a word, so why not?

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I was crossing the street just now headed back to the hotel with a box of pizza when suddenly a girl ran from across the street and up to me.

"Hey, can I have...
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