Poetry From 15 Year Old Me
I dont really feel like writing, and I dont have much to talk about. I managed not to binge yesterday at all, but Im still not dressed today. So, anyway, I thought Id post an old poem, and I found this one. It was written when I was 15. My best friend spent the night and we decided to...
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I dont really feel like writing, and I dont have much to talk about. I managed not to binge yesterday at all, but Im still not dressed today. So, anyway, I thought Id post an old poem, and I found this one. It was written when I was 15. My best friend spent the night and we decided to...
Read More
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Things that are Bothering Me - Part 2
2. This is not one of the things that is bothering me that I was planning on writing about, but after last night, I have to. Im going to talk more about dogs, sorry, at least this time it doesnt have anything to do with my mom. Like I said yesterday, the Humane Society has raised its...
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2. This is not one of the things that is bothering me that I was planning on writing about, but after last night, I have to. Im going to talk more about dogs, sorry, at least this time it doesnt have anything to do with my mom. Like I said yesterday, the Humane Society has raised its...
Read More
searingapathy:
Great post. Well well thought-out.
Things that are Bothering Me - Part 1
1. I hate having no control over my surroundings. This is nothing new. I hate lacking control in any aspect, but its becoming more and more of an issue again. Its always an issue but its starting to get to where I feel like I can not handle it. Like the point where I do something stupidly...
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1. I hate having no control over my surroundings. This is nothing new. I hate lacking control in any aspect, but its becoming more and more of an issue again. Its always an issue but its starting to get to where I feel like I can not handle it. Like the point where I do something stupidly...
Read More
Dissociation Survey
1. Is your sense of humor consistent?
2. Is you sense of style consistent (I dont mean throughout time, I mean at any given time)?
3. Have you ever tried to take a personality test, in which you are asked to agree or disagree with whether or not a situation applies to you, and found that it was near impossible to do because...
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1. Is your sense of humor consistent?
2. Is you sense of style consistent (I dont mean throughout time, I mean at any given time)?
3. Have you ever tried to take a personality test, in which you are asked to agree or disagree with whether or not a situation applies to you, and found that it was near impossible to do because...
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andthen:
1. Is your sense of humor consistent? Yes, pretty much since childhood.
2. Is you sense of style consistent ? Yes, I would say so.
3. Have you ever tried to take a personality test, in which you are asked to agree or disagree with whether or not a situation applies to you, and found that it was near impossible to do because you would answer differently depending upon your mood? If I am feeling depressed or bitter, I sometimes have a problem answering questions in the way I know I might if I were in a more settled mood.
4. Do you now have, or have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder? Yes, bouts of depression and ADHD. The depression has only been in spells lasting a year or so, and are not chronic.
5. Do you have BPD? No, but I have personal experience with people who have it.
6. Do you have DID? No, but I have extensive experience speaking with people who have it. I've probably known over a dozen people and their systems, and continue to have online friends who have it now.
7. Do have any other Dissociative Disorder? There was a time when I had extended experiences with derealization, as a result, of all things, of chemicals I was exposed to at work.
8. List any other diagnoses - None
9. Do you experiences dissociation? If so, how do you experience it? The derealization took the form of feeling like I was an actor in a play when I was in social situations. I knew from a rational standpoint that this was not true, but the feelings were persistent, and I had to keep mindfully telling myself that I needed to behave as though the situation was indeed real.
10. Do you ever lose time, or do things that you dont remember doing? No.
11. Do you experience identity disturbances? No.
12. If you have a diagnosable mental disorder, do you think of your disorder as being separate from you? If you have multiple diagnoses, do you think of your disorders as being separate from each other? If so, how do you experience this? When I have depression it feels like a part of myself, but I've come to understand that the feelings are a result of the condition and whatever going on with the chemistry of my brain, rather than the negative thoughts I have about myself being nessesarily true.
13. If you have DID, how do you experience your different parts? No inners here, but when I speak with peoples' inners, I do tend to think of each of them having a legitimate "self".
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2. Is you sense of style consistent ? Yes, I would say so.
3. Have you ever tried to take a personality test, in which you are asked to agree or disagree with whether or not a situation applies to you, and found that it was near impossible to do because you would answer differently depending upon your mood? If I am feeling depressed or bitter, I sometimes have a problem answering questions in the way I know I might if I were in a more settled mood.
4. Do you now have, or have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder? Yes, bouts of depression and ADHD. The depression has only been in spells lasting a year or so, and are not chronic.
5. Do you have BPD? No, but I have personal experience with people who have it.
6. Do you have DID? No, but I have extensive experience speaking with people who have it. I've probably known over a dozen people and their systems, and continue to have online friends who have it now.
7. Do have any other Dissociative Disorder? There was a time when I had extended experiences with derealization, as a result, of all things, of chemicals I was exposed to at work.
8. List any other diagnoses - None
9. Do you experiences dissociation? If so, how do you experience it? The derealization took the form of feeling like I was an actor in a play when I was in social situations. I knew from a rational standpoint that this was not true, but the feelings were persistent, and I had to keep mindfully telling myself that I needed to behave as though the situation was indeed real.
10. Do you ever lose time, or do things that you dont remember doing? No.
11. Do you experience identity disturbances? No.
12. If you have a diagnosable mental disorder, do you think of your disorder as being separate from you? If you have multiple diagnoses, do you think of your disorders as being separate from each other? If so, how do you experience this? When I have depression it feels like a part of myself, but I've come to understand that the feelings are a result of the condition and whatever going on with the chemistry of my brain, rather than the negative thoughts I have about myself being nessesarily true.
13. If you have DID, how do you experience your different parts? No inners here, but when I speak with peoples' inners, I do tend to think of each of them having a legitimate "self".
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gypsy11681:
Thank you for taking the time to do this 
...and you have the most rockin hair
I used to write poetry...maybe I should get back into it.
Thank you so much for your blog response. I think you are right in that I need to become more comfortable with myself. I've always known who I am, and struggled with it from the time I was aware as a young girl until my mid-20s. I'll blame it on the fact I couldn't reconcile ME with my religion.
While I know me, I need to accept me...I think.
Thank you