fasterinfall

2 days off in fourteen days. sunday can't come soon enough.

last week i went down to the burbs and had dinner with the family. i hadn't seen them in about a month. not since my grandfather was in and out of the hospital. so it was good to get to see them. apparently my niece had been asking about me. we spent a lot of time together, its rare she attaches herself to anyone besides my mom, so you can't waste your opportuinity when she wants you to hang out. we played with play-doh, and some letters, and i drove an imaginary train. i read her some books and put her to sleep.


so the ex and i have been emailing. we had a complicated relationship which ended with me in Colorado and her engaged and in New York. I asked her to stop contacting me four years ago. she very bitterly agreed. it hurt her very much i know, but i didn't very much care at the time. all she wanted, she said, was to deeply apologize, and hope that i'd consider letting her speak to me again.

I responded that night, something i'm sure she didn't expect. i basically told her i'd think it over and i'd get back to her. she texted again the next day and that night I wrote out pretty much everything i was feeling from 2004 until now. i ended it by telling her that her and her husband should stay separte from my life. i decided to sleep on sending it.

While i was laying in bed i was thinking it all over i realized two important things. 1. if i tell her off now that's it. i would never hear from her again. 2. I couldn't realistically say that i never wanted to see or speak to her again. i let her know that this is a slippery slope for her. this has to happen slowly. She laid it out for me as well from her point of view. its the most honest we've ever been to each other. it began with "Brian, I have loved you for the last ten years" and ended with her telling me she was no longer married.