The downward spirals are always the worse. Even when things are going pretty well for a reasonable amount of time, it seems like it only makes the dips deeper. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through work today. I was counting down the minutes painfully, sulking through the end of the day. I'm lonely, homesick, depressed, starved for attention, sick of hearing...
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thriftx2horatio:
I could write a book about this entry of yours... I'm not sure if I'm reading your situation entirely correctly, but some of what you've written reminds me of my own situation. I was in a long-distance relationship with someone that i loved, even though I knew that I didn't love her as much as she loved me... it sucked on both accounts. I wanted her here because I missed her, but I also thought that maybe if we could be closer together, I could convince myself that she was the one for me. The longing and the doubt, together, were miserable.
It sounds like you're in a bad spot right now -- here's hoping you get a little light sometime soon.
It sounds like you're in a bad spot right now -- here's hoping you get a little light sometime soon.
thriftx2horatio:
Not a problem.. I stumbled across your journal and it sounded similar to what I just went through, so I felt compelled to say at least a little something -- however awkward and potentially out of place it may have been. 
I was actually a little afraid that I might offend you by presuming that I understood what you were going through based on a single paragraph (when I'm sure it's much more complex), but I'm glad to know that wasn't the case... or, at least, that you didn't seem offended.
Hang in there. Have faith in yourself... and if you ever want to talk to someone who's gone through some of the same things (though probably not exactly the same), feel free to stop by or send me an email.
Good luck!
I was actually a little afraid that I might offend you by presuming that I understood what you were going through based on a single paragraph (when I'm sure it's much more complex), but I'm glad to know that wasn't the case... or, at least, that you didn't seem offended.
Hang in there. Have faith in yourself... and if you ever want to talk to someone who's gone through some of the same things (though probably not exactly the same), feel free to stop by or send me an email.
Good luck!
Crazy busy weekend. Hockey game, dancing my boo-tay off, work on sat (that sucked) but amusement park on sunday, food and coffee, kicked it around Norfolk and Va beach today for the first time since I've been here.
I got all dressed up and I feel pretty... gonna play around w/ the camera here in a bit, yay! Look out, new pics
**Later** New pics...
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I got all dressed up and I feel pretty... gonna play around w/ the camera here in a bit, yay! Look out, new pics
**Later** New pics...
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fiesty:
lol well thanks hun you're a cutie too!!!
So I told him yesterday, about Justin's lingering presence in everything. I think he might snap my little neck for it. I'm a horrible gf, I know. I wish I could help it. I feel like I can't. I wish all that Justin and I had would go out the window as a girly obsession and I could just move on and have what's here...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
selfdestruction:
Hey....nice to meet you too.
xie:
hello, hello...
So I'm gonna be out and out honest. I don't like it. At all. The weeks of being alone, the constant temptation, the wandering thoughts, the counting down, the insane drive, the short times together, the looming goodbyes, the goodbye, the drive home and the start of a new cycle. Two/three days a month isn't enough... and even if it's every other weekend, back and...
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Something in me keeps telling me to try again. Maybe this time it will be different, the voice says. Maybe this time you won't want to curl into a little ball and forget the world everytime he talks to you. Goddess help me. Why do I keep putting myself through this?? It's so few and far b/w that it makes me happy anymore. What in...
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So wow... all that has been the past few months have been crazy. New people, new places, new times... bringing along a string of new feelings. Dear goddess, I never knew being "single" was going to be so damn tough. I'd hoped I hadn't grown dependent on having a someone, on having sex (did I just admit that??) and being mushy but it seems to...
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So wow... past forever in a nutshell. In va, loving the job, kicking ass like usual. Swept up in life in general, missing feminity in my life. Not sure of anything anymore. People are already talking... and I've been good this time. I don't deserve any of it this time. I hate it so much. I miss my girls... all of them. I have a...
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So wow... past forever in a nutshell. In va, loving the job, kicking ass like usual. Swept up in life in general, missing feminity in my life. Not sure of anything anymore. People are already talking... and I've been good this time. I don't deserve any of it this time. I hate it so much. I miss my girls... all of them. I have a...
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What a crazy day... so much and yet so little... *sigh*
Woke up and did recruiting this morning. Got to see a bunch of the little freshies I hung out w/ and some of the newer kids, who are now sophomores. Crazyness. Saw "C" and Rainey, which rawked and it was great to see that they missed me so. Went to my "Little Ritter"s house...
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Woke up and did recruiting this morning. Got to see a bunch of the little freshies I hung out w/ and some of the newer kids, who are now sophomores. Crazyness. Saw "C" and Rainey, which rawked and it was great to see that they missed me so. Went to my "Little Ritter"s house...
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Got some great lyrics to describe my life recently:
"
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(Im going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought...
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"
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(Im going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought...
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drewember:
This ones called "SAVE ME" by Unwritten Law
Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
And I'm sick of my sickness
Dont touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
And everything, everything's my fault.
Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop.(whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucken thanks a lot.
Had to relapse, I'm outta rehab,
It ruined everything.(whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call ,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everthing's my fault.
And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet,
Baby wide awake at dawn.
Helmet bad boy, tell the tabloids,
everything's my fault.
Whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa everthing's my fault,
everthing's my fault.
I went to heaven, couldn't get it,
For what I had done.
I said forsake me, you said you're crazy
you were too much fun.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call ,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything,everthing's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,(everthing's my fault)
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Everything's my fault.
Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
And I'm sick of my sickness
Dont touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
And everything, everything's my fault.
Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop.(whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucken thanks a lot.
Had to relapse, I'm outta rehab,
It ruined everything.(whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call ,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everthing's my fault.
And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet,
Baby wide awake at dawn.
Helmet bad boy, tell the tabloids,
everything's my fault.
Whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa everthing's my fault,
everthing's my fault.
I went to heaven, couldn't get it,
For what I had done.
I said forsake me, you said you're crazy
you were too much fun.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call ,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything,everthing's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,(everthing's my fault)
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Everything's my fault.
drewember:
Muah**** hope you had an amazing day love 
Ok, rewind, time for old new-ness...
Didn't drink much sun night, a rum&coke and I was done drinking. No buzz for pegzama (You're like my favorite damn disease...oh yeah...) Just a kick-back time. Went to Denny's and ran into an old friend, hadn't seen in years. It was crazy. His buddies ended up being friends of the guys here, so they all came and hung...
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Didn't drink much sun night, a rum&coke and I was done drinking. No buzz for pegzama (You're like my favorite damn disease...oh yeah...) Just a kick-back time. Went to Denny's and ran into an old friend, hadn't seen in years. It was crazy. His buddies ended up being friends of the guys here, so they all came and hung...
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drewember:
OK, so i was listening to the radio today and I heard Going Under by Evanescense and I thought about you....well more like I thought of you singing it to your...well your bf/ex ...anyhoo..thought I would post u the words, tho u prolly know em already! muah*** sweet dreams love
"Going Under"
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(Im going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowing in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under
"Going Under"
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(Im going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowing in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under
drewember:
ok and this one reminds me of u ...I just love this song so much.....
Tori Amos-
"A Sorta Fairytale"
on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
i could pick back up
whenever i feel
Tori Amos-
"A Sorta Fairytale"
on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
i could pick back up
whenever i feel
So how are things?