barny

why thank you

ya darn tootin' i do

Yeah, I'm sure I will at some point! I think they offer six months to all rejected models so that they can have a look at the other sets and see what's really required of them.

But it's still quite cool

hi!

i love ur hair!

thank you

Thank you for the comment on my Body Mods pic.

Love your hair!

hey

i did the same thing with my paper part but its OKAY! i called up the DVLA or wateva it is and he said u just sign a document at ur theory test to say u have it at home somewhere!

i still havn got the paper part and took a driving test without it as well, u just sign the same document

sorry that boring lol

x

Blowjobs are good. except for when they're bad. If you're gonna suck cock read this guide we stole from vice.

VICE GUIDE TO GIVING HEAD
by linda gondelle and gavin mcinnes http://www.viceland.com/

After the overwhelming response we got from our enultimate guide to eating pussy, we felt it only fair to offer the same type of guide for putting dinks in your mouth. After interviewing piles of sluts and exactly one homo, Linda Gondelle brings you this all-encompassing guide that examines every conceivable facet of hog smoking there is.

Giving good head is an artform that I didn't perfect until I was in my mid-twenties. Before that I was constantly bewildered, usually drunk and often left wondering why I kept getting "fired." I had the intent, concentration and
attitude, but I also had an overbite and too many wine coolers. It was high school.
What did I know? Then I met Yves, the prototypical "older" boyfriend. Born and
raised in Montreal, he was used to supremo suck from the "filles de roi" and this
Ontario girl was going to rank. Since then I have, quote, "rocked," "ruled,"
"owned" and "paralyzed" some of the best cock this side of the Mississippi. My
experience combined with epic VICE research is available for you now. Here we go!

DON'T SPEND ALL YOUR CHIPS
Before you even start this discussion you have to look at your budget. You have
about twenty minutes of sex chips on any given night. If you spend fifteen chips
sucking him off, he's only got five chips left for humping. We suggest saving
BJs for mornings and afternoons and period week; you still want to get laid.

THE EVIL DR. TOOTH
Your teeth don't exist. They might as well be in a glass by the bed. Use the
same principle applied when eating a super cold Popsicle with a mouthful of
freshly-filled, sensitive molars. You have to make a cave with your mouth and
use your tongue, upper and back palate to form a careful vacuum to keep him away
from your teeth. Keep this exercise in mind throughout your entire blowjob. It's
easy to slip, especially when you're drunk. One trick is to pull your lips over
your teeth like they're those boxing mouth guards.

THE RIGHT MINDSET
The key to cock is in the focus. You must be fixated for the entire duration of
your down time. Remember the concentration required to kill an ice cream cone
without getting any on your blouse? Why do you think they make sex oils in all
of your favorite candy/ice cream flavors? It elicits a freaky Pavlovian trance
of focus and completion. Think of good head as the Great Pacifier.

BELIEVE
We're not talking about the half-assed licking-until-hard-then-insertion action
here. That's "lovemaking" in the whitest way. If you're not willing to trust him
and commit yourself with 100% total devotion to his penis, don't bother. You
have to worship it like you're Indiana Jones and you've finally made it to the
Temple of Doom. (If worshipping his cock makes you feel vulnerable it's probably
because he's a macho asshole and you are sucking off the wrong guy.) Remember,
there's a psychosexual paradox going on here. You are giving him head and he is
getting his cock sucked. You are both a slave to his dick and totally in control
of it, like an actress who stars in and directs her own movies.

HEADING SOUTH
Before you break off from his mouth and head downstairs, prepare the landing pad
with your hand. Horse around until it's hard as stone. Assure him there's going
to be some heavy mouth action but don't let it start until he's ready to crack.

Rub, rub, rub through the pants like it's a baby animal just about to be born.
Firmly tug at the belt buckle like it's your own. Try not to fumble too much
with the belt but it's OK to ask for his help. Don't get fired before you've
even taken on the job. Communication is crucial because guys have trouble refusing
head no matter how bad they think you might be at it. Making sure he's happy
with how it's going without seeming insecure is one of the hardest parts of giving head.

Extra tip: Don't fuck up with the zipper. If you hurt his penis here it's all over.
Pull the zipper up and out, away from his penis, not straight down. Use two
hands if you need to, like if he's huge or not wearing any underwear.

Key: If he seems to be steering this ride (keeping his hands hovering over or
on your head) read the road signs and ask some soft questions. Are you going too
fast, hard, soft, slow? You're not looking for a detailed map or long discussions.
One or two uttered words, deep moaning yeses or ooooh mmm okay, ohhh,
yeahyeahyeah, will do fine.

BIRTHING
Slide your hand into the underwear. The baby animal is a little afraid of being
born and has to get to know your hand so it can feel safe and come out. Hover
over his groin here for five seconds (not too long or you will seem like a
spectre and that will make him feel self-conscious).

Extra tip: If he starts mashing your head down, don't smack his hand away.
Gently grab his wrist and place it down by his head again. Hold it there for a
second as though to say "relax guy - I've got it." Incidentally, where did you meet this guy?

GETTING THE BALLS ROLLING
Now somebody hasn't received much attention up until now. Here's where our face
and hands have a bit of prep work to do. Cup and caress his balls in the hand
you don't use for writing. They can take a bit of abuse but only with your heavy
wet tongue. Find his balls first with your mouth by burying your face in the
space between his thighs and crotch and take one of them in your mouth and wet
and spit it up. Don't be afraid to make things wet as hell.

You'll need your dexterous hand to complete the lock and seal around the shaft.
It's wet from your spit, too, and remember, you don't have any teeth. This is a
game you play with yourself. No teeth, I have no teeth, I only have gums and
lips and tongue. No teeth.

At the base, your mouth finally meets your hand and your tongue slicks up the
shaft with more hot spit. Wet hand goes down around the shaft with forefinger
and thumb acting as the extension of mouth. Moan on it because everybody's just
met. Here's the freeze frame: mouth puffed out, lips like an anus, down
around the top few inches, tongue pressing the cock into an oral groove, good
hand around the shaft and bad hand is rotating around the balls with slightly
firm yet gentle rubs. Teeth not invited to the party.

Now that you've made the lock, never take your hand and mouth off or away from
his cock. You're not gobbing on it, and you're barely hitting a rhythm. You are
wetting down the penis with spitty, rhythmic foreplay to achieve the correct
balance of slickness and traction. No baby kisses here; you're all mouth and
tongue and hand. The whole area should begin to feel like a wet, well-greased
down, slow-moving internal combustion engine that is just gearing up.

Extra tip: At some point, lock eyes with him while your mouth is first introduced
to his cock. Remember he's filming this with his brain and may use it as
masturbation fodder for years to come. You can even jerk him off for a bit.
It's a nice break for everyone and the variety keeps things interesting.

RHYTHM AND MOTION
He will instinctively begin to rock slightly. Never stop moving along with him
but be a bit off so you're undulating over his weenie slightly offbeat. It's
important at this point to make sure you avoid getting skull-fucked. Control
the tempo yourself.

Your hand should form a tube like a skirt around your mouth, with your thumb
and forefinger like a belt that meets your lips. Keep it well lubricated and
don't stay static. Your other fingers can fan and fold and tickle and tug as
your mouth and tongue circle and bob up and down the top part. Most of the
feeling is in the head of the penis so don't waste too much time on the shaft.
You're looking for a tempo akin to "Pop Goes the Weasel" played at half-speed.
Never lose the rhythm or the concentration of your mouth up and down around
the tip of the penis.

By now you're gripping the shaft gently and firmly with both good and bad hands
in a dizzy of fingers and spit. Fan down and grip up, grip up and fan down.
Mouth stays on over the top, deep then shallow, all the way out, all the way down.
Hands have to help out the mouth. Mouth can't do all the work.

Don't make the goal here an orgasm. Have no expectations. This is the slick middle
of giving head that gets you familiar with his rhythm and lets your mouth be the
most talented pussy since your own.

Extra tip: Again, it helps to lock eyes. It reminds you of what you're doing and
who you're doing it to. It's an intense moment and it breaks a trance if you've
found yourself in one. Guys can tell if you're sucking to get it over with
instead of getting him off and it hurts their feelings. A little.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
Something happens between giving the blow job and the point of no return. His
balls get hard and begin to disappear. Cute. You will know this because bad
hand is on the job. He stiffens and arches his body toward your mouth and his
moaning may get a bit more whimpery and ardent. Now everything gets a lot harder
but a lot easier at the same time. Good hand is pumping a bit more penis into
the mouth. Both work together, making the tempo a bit stormier but still
controlled. Moaning should be almost frantic here. A vacuum begins to form
between the hand and mouth, working up and down as you slightly suck in your
cheeks. There's an important distinction between sucking the shit out of it
and simply making a vacuum seal out of your mouth. Vacuum is better.
Sucking hard can make him convulse.

He's so hard now that it might be difficult to take it all in, but try relaxing
your throat muscles. Make a deep "ahhh" sound. Move your mouth and hand up and
down with more ardor and purpose. Vary your mouth movements, but don't lose
the gentle vacuum. Use good hand to control the pumping, and keep your mouth
firmly wrapped and sealed in spit around the wet cock.

THE FINISH LINE
This is it. Increase the speed of your mouth and good hand. Let him feel you
pulling his orgasm right out of him. Guys, it's OK to tell her you're about
to blow, but don't be a rock star. Say it nice and soothing like you're going to
cry and you don't know why. (Who's the subordinate little puppy now?) Your
hands are slickly wrapped, mouth is sucking his cock faster but with subtle
undertones of a gentle coaxing. Start to make swallowing motions, press your
tongue on the shaft and slightly relax your lips. Moan hard and low in
anticipation of the best orgasm you've ever created.

Extra tip: If it's so good you start losing him in some surreal never ending
-ending, stop and let him have a wank while you lick his balls. That's always
a sure-fire way to get things back on track.

THE BLOWING OF THE LOAD
Spitting it out means like. Swallowing means love. And gargling with cum makes
you look like a crazy slut that probably has STDs. Most guys don't care about
where it goes eventually, but there are some ways to keep it sexy and fun. If
he's into it, he may want to cum on your face. It's just cum and you trust him.
It has to go somewhere and it's good for your skin. Wherever it goes, wipe it up
soon. No one can relax and fall asleep when paste is hardening around them.

Extra tip: Push on his t'aint while he's cumming.

SWALLOWING
Swallowing is important. It shows a kind of love and acceptance that has big
payoffs during pussy eating time, morning sex and menstruation. The easiest way
is to be upright, kneeling between his legs because gravity cuts down on the
gag factor and if it's far enough in the back of your mouth, it slides down like
a slutty oyster. Swear to God.

Important: You are not going to get AIDS from swallowing. It's safest to make
sure you don't brush your teeth right before or right after but realx. It's fine.

THE AFTERMATH
Once he's spent, he's pretty exhausted and probably in another land. You're not
going to get him back. Keep a warm hand on top of it for a bit, like a shock
blanket used by paramedics. Just lie there while he mumbles "holy shit" to
himself for a few hours while you fall asleep. It's your lullaby.

EXTRA BONUS TRACKS

BOOZE
Sucking sucks if he's soused. Nobody wants to be singing cock karaoke for 45
minutes so forget about it. Mount it and ride that sucker for all it's worth.
Oh yeah, and don't you have more than three beers yourself. It kills your
concentration.

THE BONE MOAN
Moaning or humming creates a subtle vibration that both shakes his dink and
keeps you in the vibe. That makes a superhero out of you, girl. Half woman
-half machine. Oarrrrr mmmmmmmmooommm mmm!

BUMMING HIM OUT
This is dangerous, but gently slide bad hand below and under towards his anus.
If your boy doesn't flinch, you may want to rim him with a wet finger. Guys act
like they don't like anything in their bums but most are dirty little bitches
that need a good seeing to. Make sure to time it right. As his balls hide away,
his back arches up and he's just about to blow, slide it in and gently wriggle
it. Be prepared to stop an avalanche of cum with your face.

TIME OUT
If you need a break, take your tongue and travel up the back of the shaft,
paying special attention to where the mushroom meets the stem and tickle there,
firmly and not for too long. Then let your slicked up hands give it a bit of
a wank. Gently lick and kiss the tip, releasing more spit. Give your neck a rest
but don't stop pumping.

THE DANGER SCRAPE
Here's a shocker. Break the rhythm off mid-tempo, stop and gently take the whole
thing in your mouth. Softly scrape your teeth up along the shaft. This move
should be reserved for the kind of guys who wear leather pants and don't call their moms.

FORESKINS
Circumsized guys are easier to suck off, but they're less sensitive. Uncircumcised
guys are better because you can do all kinds of tricks with the foreskin. Roll
it up over the head and put it in your mouth like a sausage roll. The tricky
part is the hand job. If you grip it too high up the shaft, your downstroke
is going to rip it. Gripping it too low means your upstroke will feel redundant.
Get him to show you exactly where to grab. A steady hold about a quarter inch
below the head usually does the trick. Use your writing hand to avoid mistakes.

SWEETS
If you're getting bored of the same old hog, try sucking on an Altoid or Pop
Rocks or filling your mouth up with different fluids like hot chocolate and
ice-cold seltzer. Blowing cool, gentle air on a wet, hard shaft, followed by a
hot, tight mouth is wicked sensory overload. Also, don't tell your parents you
read this in a free magazine or we are dead.

Enjoy this humorous and useful info, in good health.
I recommend you save this as PDF or something...













[Edited on Sep 21, 2004 5:23PM]

You're welcome.

woo here too? woo on here and on lj. bob.

helllo

mwah back at ya

get online more (I'll send you the computer, buy you a house with broadband connection and do your exams for you)

heh, if you're lucky, I'll have a pic by the time you read this in like, 5 weeks or whatever.


and it will most definatly be weird if you're not about for that long. I think i'll miss you.

*Tyler's Kiss*

Welcome to Fight Club.

i have been a member for a while, but i only just started using boards and groups, so havent spoken to many people. (excuses excuses) i did add you, you better accept or ill cry!(i probably wont really but its an insentive isnt it.)

dirty things? like sweaty socks or old bannana peels...ewwwwwwww

but how would one make a leperachaun?

ill have to give it a go! im from the uk! where abouts are you?
alex xx