8spiders

i'm trying really hard to pull my life together but days like today i just sleep and feel like shit and listen to Morrissey.

good lord, i feel so homosexual.

i really thought i was going to have to fuck off to Portland. i really felt like i needed family. i'd be with my brother and i know he'll always have my back.

my best friend and i reconciled and i'm learning to just keep a low profile around her husband. because it's not worth losing her again.

i know he's looking for any excuse to get her to keep a distance from me, which won't happen but i don't want to put anymore pressure on their marriage then there already is. it's weird because i know he likes me and thinks i'm a decent guy.

jealous is just really fucking retarded.

anyway, i'm probably going to be really busy the next couple weeks. which is good. i need to distance myself from ms. "fuck me/don't touch me", even though we sort of worked out what was going on and said we had some really good times and should leave it at that.

even still, i want her to be happy and everything, but at the moment i want her to do it away from me. i do not need to get sucked back into her emotional insecurities.

sometimes i feel really disappointed that she couldn't just pull her head out of her ass and we could have made something cool.

or, alternatively, me pull away when i started to see the signs that she was going to keep pulling the same thing over and over and over.

ugh.

i think i need a woman like Donna Reed. someone just fucking normal and mundane, no matter how lame it seems. just once not have her be emotionally cold, or a speed addict, or a cheat, or wishy-washy, or just too fuckin' needy. just for once i'd like a relationship that's... you know... healthy and productive.

if only life were that simple.

cheers. i think i'm going to go desposit some checks, pounf a 40 and then check the fuck out until tomorrow.

ta.