8spiders

And it all comes...

crashing...

down...

I remember at one point

At one point everything was in control. Not controlled, but managable. I understood and related and reacted, and now...

Now...

I feel like I continue to toss my life into the wind. Lending everything to chance and circumstance.

I lost my best friend because of her husband's jealousy and my inability to handle it... I lost one of the few people I could ever relate to.

I lost someone else who was very close to me. Someone I thought I connected with.

Two people on the body count and the number keeps rising. Rolling up into figures too large for me to fathom. The past year has been a fucking rollercoaster.

It all seeps through your fingers... pouring like sand, blowing away into the wind.

I want to take the time to mourn. To drink and scream and shout... but I can't. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired and exhausted.

To be truthful, lately, I want to lay down and die. I want to give up because it's just been too much all at once. Everything falls apart...

But that's not just stupid... it's fucking stupid. When did I ever give up when the chips were down?

Fuck... when did I ever give up when it seemed like the sane, rational, thing to do?

Never.

I don't ever give up. I'll look down that barrel until the day I die and I'll laugh.

I'll laugh and one day I'll either hear a click...

or I'll hear a bang...

Fade to white. Cue to black - This was your life.