8spiders

Saw my friend not too long ago and something was different about him.

He was happy.

Not to say he was a miserable piece of shit. Naw, I've seen him laugh and enjoy life... it was just something a little different. The difference was so minuscule.... maybe it was in his tone, inflection or posture. Maybe his face was more relaxed.

I can't say what it was, exactly.

But his happiness has had me questioning my own. Last year, this time. I wasn't just content, I was alright... I was pretty happy just doin' my thing.

Now, I don't know. You meet someone and things change. The world shifts a little... slightly off the side. The angle all funny. But things are done and gone, which is the way of it.

Laura told me that I'm one of those people that other people realize, in the end, that I don't need them. It's not a harsh independence, as if I'm callous or cold, it's just that I don't need them. I told her she's the same way and that's why so many people in her life end up trying to control her.

She said it's why so many people tried to control me, too. They're afraid that our friendship or love is out of their hands and it's scary. They're afraid one day you'll turn around and just not look back. They equate independence with an inability to be loyal or caring.

It's made me wonder... if that's why life is a little uneasy right now. Maybe I'm trying to control it because I know that it doesn't really need me.