"Yeah, so my friend reads Snow Crash and it inspires him to quit his job as some insurance claims something-or-other and become a pizza delivery driver."
"No shit?"
"No shit. He gets good at it, too. Starts making a ton of cash -- pay increase, choice hours, etc.. So one day he IM's me
Juju,
that's what we call each other, 'juju' - it's a long story. Anyway he goes,
Juju, I was looking at porn on the internet this morning and I had to show a picture of this girl's snatch to a friend of mine--
I immediately ask who's snatch, cuz porn on the internet isn't hard to come by so if you have to go out of your way to show your friend a picture of something, it's gotta be good cuz we all know he can just look for porn himself, right?
Not important, just listen to my story. So I call into work and tell them I'll be 15 minutes late.
You were squeezing one off, weren't you, you dirty little prick? I've heard this story before, I tell him. You blew it all over your work clothes and had to clean 'em.
No, I did that earlier and put a hole through a sheet of paper... you would have been proud, Juju. No, I was going to be late because I was trying to find the picture to show to my friend.
This buddha-nature of snatch, right?
Yeah. So I get to work 15 minutes late and I find out 10 minutes ago the place was robbed and the manager had a knife put to his throat. The manager was covering my position at the counter.
So that shoulda been you?
Yup. You know me,
I do. I know what he was gunna say that somebody put a knife to his throat he'd a flipped and either fucked the guy up serious... or he'd have gotten himself stabbed dead. That's just how he is.
I'd have flipped and either fucked the guy up serious or I'd have gotten myself stabbed dead.
Then I ask him what's up with a knife anyway? Don't respectable people use guns? This is L.A. for christ's sakes... everyone assumes you're packin', so if you show a knife then you've just played a bad hand. You're gunna get shot... but I was digressing.
Don't you see the moral of this story? Pussy saved my life, Juju! I'm alive right now because of pussy! I will never badmouth vaginas again!
He does, you know. The guy's a real misogynist, no mistaking it... so he then tells me he's turned a new leaf and that he loves women and yadda yadda yadda...
So that's the story of how Snow Crash made my friend into a better person."
"No shit?"
"No shit. He gets good at it, too. Starts making a ton of cash -- pay increase, choice hours, etc.. So one day he IM's me
Juju,
that's what we call each other, 'juju' - it's a long story. Anyway he goes,
Juju, I was looking at porn on the internet this morning and I had to show a picture of this girl's snatch to a friend of mine--
I immediately ask who's snatch, cuz porn on the internet isn't hard to come by so if you have to go out of your way to show your friend a picture of something, it's gotta be good cuz we all know he can just look for porn himself, right?
Not important, just listen to my story. So I call into work and tell them I'll be 15 minutes late.
You were squeezing one off, weren't you, you dirty little prick? I've heard this story before, I tell him. You blew it all over your work clothes and had to clean 'em.
No, I did that earlier and put a hole through a sheet of paper... you would have been proud, Juju. No, I was going to be late because I was trying to find the picture to show to my friend.
This buddha-nature of snatch, right?
Yeah. So I get to work 15 minutes late and I find out 10 minutes ago the place was robbed and the manager had a knife put to his throat. The manager was covering my position at the counter.
So that shoulda been you?
Yup. You know me,
I do. I know what he was gunna say that somebody put a knife to his throat he'd a flipped and either fucked the guy up serious... or he'd have gotten himself stabbed dead. That's just how he is.
I'd have flipped and either fucked the guy up serious or I'd have gotten myself stabbed dead.
Then I ask him what's up with a knife anyway? Don't respectable people use guns? This is L.A. for christ's sakes... everyone assumes you're packin', so if you show a knife then you've just played a bad hand. You're gunna get shot... but I was digressing.
Don't you see the moral of this story? Pussy saved my life, Juju! I'm alive right now because of pussy! I will never badmouth vaginas again!
He does, you know. The guy's a real misogynist, no mistaking it... so he then tells me he's turned a new leaf and that he loves women and yadda yadda yadda...
So that's the story of how Snow Crash made my friend into a better person."
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
fancier:
tootsiehole is my AIM name. 
fancier:
Oh wow, you totally rule. Thank you thank you thank you!