8spiders

I had been rejected. Hard. You know how it goes.

Truth be told, I thought it was over a guy. I thought to myself, "Fuck, I've been left for someone else again."

It was only sorta true.

See, when I met this girl we really hit it off. I mean like, I thought she could be "The One" and I don't believe in that. I never did.. until I met her. Dig? I never told her that, but one night she said everything I felt about her, to me.

We were seeing other people until we could give, "us" a shot. See, it turned out she lived in another state, Texas to be exact, and we promised to keep our hearts for each other because we both had to know.

Then one day, out of the blue. POW. I get hit with a sack of rocks. No contact. Nothing. She cuts me off like I'm a chump. Yeah, like a pistol whip.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I made a bad judgement call. That I let myself be, "That Chump" again. Something I promised myself I'd never EVER do again.

Today it all came out. The real reason.

She got pregnant.

"He wants to be the father. He wants us to be a family. And I want that too. I know I promised to keep my heart for you but my heart belongs to my baby."

I can't blame her. Fuck, can you?

Goddamnit. Fuck

After I got fucked in my last relationship I never felt ... ugh, I never wanted to... I never pulled all the stops like I did with this girl.

Hell, even before, in my other relationships, I was never so innovative and romantic as I was with this girl. I never went through so much to show them how I felt.

Now, before anyone thinks that means I "bought her flowers" or "picked my underwear off the floor" like I'm one of these fucking neanderthals that treats women they care about like their my mother... no.

I really pulled all the stops. This is something I've never done.

"I'm sorry that things are ending this way. You have meant so much to me and you always will. You're a beautiful, amazing, talented person, and I'll treasure my memories of you."

I've never said this. Ever. I've been through so much shit in my life and I've never once said this but I will now.

It's not fair.

Fuck you. For the first time in my life I felt it in my hands and now it's slipped through. And I can't blame anything but circumstance.

To be honest, I wish I could say it was me. I wish I could say it was her... but... Goddamnit.

I loved her.