I wanted to cry, but something kept telling me "It's silly to cry over a kitten, really."

Today I actually thought, "I deserve a Coca-Cola." I really believed I did. But it's horse shit. Do you understand?

And the truth is, I'm scared shitless of her... she cried for me and no one but me has ever shed tears for the pains I've suffered.

His name was Duma. And at least he had his name--is what I thought as I put him deep into the ground. Everyone needs a name, everyone deserves that dignity. It's silly to cry.

"Nature is cruel." the vet said. And earlier I thought I deserved a Coke... but it's not there. It's an ad in my head, it's someone else telling me something. What I deserve is for me to love her.

I could see her almost-tears as I talked to Rickie, and yet it still said "It's silly to cry."

She scares me because I feel empty... I flirt and fool with these women because I'm afraid to give everything to her. Because she cries for me.

"You did more than most people." Rich said. And I deserved a Coke. But doing what most would not have done does not ease me... it stirs my anger. How hard is it to cry for a kitten?

And she cried for me. I want her more than anything... and I tell myself I deserve her. That people deserve love and dignity and the right to cry. Not a Coca-Cola.

And that a poor little kitten deserved a name.

Duma. He deserves someone to cry for him... but you think it's silly for to cry for a kitten, don't you?