8spiders

i want you to, for a moment, pretend that i'm completely sober as i write this.

sometimes... well, most times, i feel alone. like now.

i'm not saying this because there's no beer to be found in the fridge. i'm saying this because i have no one to share my fucking insane ideas with.

i'm nuts.

i'm fucking crazy. i'll tell you that for free right now. i have all these mad ideas and when i try to share them i get a sidelong glance. i get told it's stupid or retarded or just fucking weird.

if i told you every time i made a dead baby joke and everyone cringed, that not one person laughed, it actually killed me a little inside.

isn't that sick? what kind of person is actually looking for other people like that...

l.a. is a fucked up city. it's so beautiful but it is so fucked up. like that step-sister you get stuck with. she's cool but goddamn, girl came with baggage and no matter how much she begs you, you can't fuck her. she's your sister.

half the people i relate to i only see, well hardly.

the other half of the people i relate to aren't actually there.

i'm suffocating. maybe i deserve to choke to death on my own shit.

god, i need another shot.