I love this life and all it has to offer.
2009 has brought some great things into my life, or perhaps they have always been there waiting in the shadows, waiting for my heart and mind to allow them to come into the light and germinate like beautiful seedlings.
There was a time when in the name of readiness, all I would look for is what was wrong or what could possibly go wrong, the whole time I was doing this I believed myself to be positive, but in reality I was propagating my own downfall, because I was too obsessed with the dangers that I believed lay hidden in the world around me.
This train of thought had caused me not to live my life, but rather try and control the uncontrollable, leading to extreme anxiety and stress. I know see once again how life is about experiences and how we react to these experiences as they present themselves.
For the longest time I felt like almost every person I met had an ulterior motive or would judge me based on my material gains. This egocentric, almost narcissistic out look on life has only brought me loneliness. A loneliness that was often disguised by a feeling of safety and control.
Thanks to the hard work of my lovely wife and a willingness to take a chance and not try and plan out every human interaction I have, has allowed me to engage in friendships I thought never possible.
I am not afraid to feel, I am not afraid to be judged, I now realise that while I thought I was the architect of my own destiny I now know that several roads lie ahead of me laid out by the universe and the only real control I have is which road I take on my journey.
My reaction to the people I meet and the situations around me will determine my fate.......I can not attempt to map out my life like a novel with key plot points, because the very nature of life it's self defies these boundaries. It can not be controlled it is simply a reactive force of which we are the catalyst.
Just like in science, depending on how much catalyst you ad to your reactant determines how exciting your reaction will be.
I look back on the person I was only six months ago, lost in a big dark room filled with patches of happiness allowed to enter through my impossible guidelines, and all I can think is no wonder you had bouts of suicidal thoughts and no wonder you created so much friction for yourself and those you love.
Now that I see the big picture and I have opened the metaphorical window in my dark room, allowing all the joy and diversity of which I was so afraid to come crashing in, I feel free and ready to live life rather than exist!
To all my new friends I love you and thank you for helping me come to this realisation. To my beautiful wife, thank you for your honesty, love, and patience over the last few years, without you none of this would be possible. I can't find the words to express what I feel about you I just live with faith that you understand and that you will stand by me for evermore and continue to be what it is you are.
I love you Lior and I love you Life!
Bones
2009 has brought some great things into my life, or perhaps they have always been there waiting in the shadows, waiting for my heart and mind to allow them to come into the light and germinate like beautiful seedlings.
There was a time when in the name of readiness, all I would look for is what was wrong or what could possibly go wrong, the whole time I was doing this I believed myself to be positive, but in reality I was propagating my own downfall, because I was too obsessed with the dangers that I believed lay hidden in the world around me.
This train of thought had caused me not to live my life, but rather try and control the uncontrollable, leading to extreme anxiety and stress. I know see once again how life is about experiences and how we react to these experiences as they present themselves.
For the longest time I felt like almost every person I met had an ulterior motive or would judge me based on my material gains. This egocentric, almost narcissistic out look on life has only brought me loneliness. A loneliness that was often disguised by a feeling of safety and control.
Thanks to the hard work of my lovely wife and a willingness to take a chance and not try and plan out every human interaction I have, has allowed me to engage in friendships I thought never possible.
I am not afraid to feel, I am not afraid to be judged, I now realise that while I thought I was the architect of my own destiny I now know that several roads lie ahead of me laid out by the universe and the only real control I have is which road I take on my journey.
My reaction to the people I meet and the situations around me will determine my fate.......I can not attempt to map out my life like a novel with key plot points, because the very nature of life it's self defies these boundaries. It can not be controlled it is simply a reactive force of which we are the catalyst.
Just like in science, depending on how much catalyst you ad to your reactant determines how exciting your reaction will be.
I look back on the person I was only six months ago, lost in a big dark room filled with patches of happiness allowed to enter through my impossible guidelines, and all I can think is no wonder you had bouts of suicidal thoughts and no wonder you created so much friction for yourself and those you love.
Now that I see the big picture and I have opened the metaphorical window in my dark room, allowing all the joy and diversity of which I was so afraid to come crashing in, I feel free and ready to live life rather than exist!
To all my new friends I love you and thank you for helping me come to this realisation. To my beautiful wife, thank you for your honesty, love, and patience over the last few years, without you none of this would be possible. I can't find the words to express what I feel about you I just live with faith that you understand and that you will stand by me for evermore and continue to be what it is you are.
I love you Lior and I love you Life!
Bones VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
littletoy:
no lamb for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scotty:
Hahahha, we need to get us a goat!