I know I can blow off some steam here because no one reads this.

this past weekend has been a little up and alot of deep slopes down.

As usual I had to work saturday, but I was looking foward to seeing Jen like every saturday night/sunday. well I made plans to drop off a car I had at a friends because he wanted it and it was the only way for it to happen. After that I wanted to see Jen. Jen instead told me she was going to hang out with this guy chris and goto a party with some of his friends. She didn't ask me if I wanted to come along, and I didn't want to impose so I told her thats fine have yourself a fun time. BTW, Jen was my girlfriend for almost past two years. yeah, was....Tonight I had a meeting at work at closing. I had the day off, but I was called and told that we had a meeting that was not on the schedule and I had to come in full uniform. when I found out I called Jen because I planned on having her over so we could see eachother and whatnot. well after the meeting she called me and I drove to her house to see what was going on..she told me she was tired and didn't feel like driving to my house. I showed up, her family gave me odd looks like I didn't belong there and then as soon as I take my shoes off Jen tells me to go with her back outside. Basicly she wanted to break up. told me that she didn't want to be in any kind of relationship anymore. I was fine with that, but then she said that she told that guy chris it would be akward to break up with me tonight because we didn't talk the past week, and she went to go hangout and drink with him. Then tells me she is not sleeping around or seeing anyone else and stil wants to be friends.

umm...thats when I didn't feel that great about it....

And then went on about how she still wants to hangout and be best friends...

This sucks....The fest is coming up in two weeks, we both got our tickets, and she also booked a hotel room for us to stay in while we are in gainesville. we did that way before this came up tonight...so I brought up how this is going to suck now. She said it should not be akward...I told her it is, first off she got the room with the intent of and I quote "to fuck my brains out and have plenty of drunken sex."

I have this bad habit of not wanting to be around ex girlfriends, especialy if I still have feelings for them...This is going to drive me nuts now that I have to share a room with Jen, and sleep in the same bed. Yeah she booked a room with one bed. I told her that I'm just going to sleep on the floor, and she said no.

Goddamn....I don't know what to say or do now....I really want to goto the Fest, but none of my other friends are going because they can't afford it this year, and now I have to spend the weekend with a recent ex.

I have a feeling that this is not going to be good at all....I already payed my 40 bucks for the pass, and I can't give it away or resell it.

and I still am in love with her...and I feel like I've just been crushed and tossed away.

FUCK!