so my ex had surgery yesterday....and i havent talked to him at all...and i am worried about him and i really want to drive the 2 hours to go see him and baby him. What is wrong with me? I know why we arent together...we were awful to each each other with all this long distance bull shit...so if i know why the relationship is over...why do i still love him and want him so much? Its so retarted....we arent even nice to each other very often...and yet all i seem to want is for him to hold me and tell me that everything will be all right. Is it because we were together for almost 5 years? Is it because i just movoed to a new town to start a new career and i am lonely? Is it because he already has a new girlfriend and he likes her a lot and it makes me crazy? who fucking knows...but i need to knock this shit off. It doesnt help either that i really do want to see him happy, and i can tell how he talks about this girl that he likes her a lot....and that makes me nuts too...that was supposed to be my job...but i cant have it both ways right? i should either be happy for him or be nuts 
Plus it cant be easy for her to walk into any of this...poor girl probably doesnt know what the fuck is going on...dating a guy fresh out of a 5 year relationship and he still talks to his ex everyday...that couldnt be easy...i wish there was some way that i could let her know that i am not trying to ruin their relationship...but at the same time their relationship makes me nuts.... 
I hate boys...maybe i should just be a full on lesbian...or stick to being bi and get a girlfriend...but girls are more complicated than boys! Maybe i just need a rebound guy/girl....or some ben and jerrys and a bubble bath
lol, if you made it this far...thanks for listening to my rant/whining!
Plus it cant be easy for her to walk into any of this...poor girl probably doesnt know what the fuck is going on...dating a guy fresh out of a 5 year relationship and he still talks to his ex everyday...that couldnt be easy...i wish there was some way that i could let her know that i am not trying to ruin their relationship...but at the same time their relationship makes me nuts.... I hate boys...maybe i should just be a full on lesbian...or stick to being bi and get a girlfriend...but girls are more complicated than boys! Maybe i just need a rebound guy/girl....or some ben and jerrys and a bubble bath
lol, if you made it this far...thanks for listening to my rant/whining!
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but on the other hand,i've wondered,sometimes (not lately, in the past!) if i should go gay so i would cut on the girlie problems, but i think that i'd end up with a very effeminate guy with girls issues, so it wouldn't really make a change
good luck with the ben+jerry and the bubble bath
p.
I'm going to try to appeal in some sort of way.
Thanks for thinking of me and crossing you fingers! Have a great weekend. peace, joy and love