4zeros

maybe i'm just emo.. but i guess i just have to blather on and cry.. so here goes..

why wont he just hold me.. why do i have to beg for days and days before he'll even acknowledge i am sad and need some affection.. why do i have to BEG for him to love me.. what did i do wrong.. he says im a bad wife, i dont do what i'm supposed to.. i dont cook, clean, or be motherly enough... fine.. you win i'm the bad wife.. what do i do now.. how do i get better.. when i try.. when your stupid kitchen and house is spotless for over a week and i mean spot less .. like there isnt a dirty dish in the sink for more than 3 minutes before i have cleaned it and put it away... the floor is swept 10+ times a day and the house linens are washed twice ( in that week ) ... what do i do .. how do i get better.. what do i need to do .. leave you alone.. fine.. got it.. i just asked if you were coming to bed.. it had been over a hour since i had spoken to you, it was at the time we have been going to bed.. its not like i asked you at 6 pm.. i asked you at the time we have been going to bed for over a week.. .. why dont you want to hold me.. why am i so vile to you.. how can i be what you want.. how can i make you love me.. why dont you want me..

i just want you to touch me.. put your arms around me and let me know your there to keep me safe.. why do i have to cry like this, why do i have to feel so alone... its not fair... i didnt ask you to be like this.. i want who you used to be.. i want you to hold me like you used to, to let me fall asleep in your arms.. and for you to want to wake up next to me.. not roll over and ignore me when i try to hold you..

i guess im just babbling now.. and prob beginning to repeat my self.. so i guess i'll continue my crying, alone.. in our bed.. with out you..