Ok, this is probably going to turn into an extremely long journal, so bear with me.
Last night I helped save two people's lives. My boss is a volunteer fireman, I thinks hes like the assistant chief or something. Anyways he walked to work last night and at about 3am he got a call to go to a roll over accident. He's the driver of his company so he had to leave immediately, so to make a long story short I drove him there so he could help with the accident. I guess the guy and girl in car that flipped are in serious condition, but they are probably going to make it. So in a very very small way, I helped save a life or two. And I didnt write this because im looking for any praise or compliments, im not that kind of person. Just wanted to write about something very positive that I was a part of.
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Also last night I came to the realization of what may have caused a good portion of this pain, ive been feeling for the past 8 months. Eight months, thats about when I started this great new job. Thats when I started to see much less of her despite living together. Thats when I had to come off my medication because I couldnt afford it with no health insurance. Thats when I became increadingly depressed. Thats when I started drinking hardcore again. Thats about when the relationship began to crumble. Since then its been 8 long months and things have gotten marginally better. So, the morale of the story is despite getting 25% pay increase I became very very unhappy.
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ADDICTION/EXTREMISM
These are the two factors that control the way my life goes probably more than anything else combined. Not by choice, but unfortunately its the truth.
Addiction. I have the most addictive personality out of anyone Ive ever met. There are so many things Ive done just once and became extremely addicted to. Anything from smoking to buying lotto tickets, to playing video games, to the obvious: alcohol. Just about anything. It sucks so bad, Im completely afraid to enter a casino or strip club again, because I just get sucked in and spend obscene amounts of money, Im trying as hard as I can to limit the amount of tv i watch. And Im really trying hard to break this alcohol habit. When it takes 8-10 drinks to start feeling it, I think its tome to realize theres a problem. I wont even try any other drugs or anything like that anymore for fear that first hit will being controlling me for the rest of my life. I cant even describe how tough it is for me to kick the habit once ive gotten into it. Its an undecribeably horrible feeling, to know that you are pretty much powerless over yourself. Im working as hard as I can to somehow get better, but its been extremely rough going.
Extremism. Unfortunately Im also stuck with a very extremist personality. There are very few things that Im indiffernt to. 90% of things I either completely love or hate with every breath I take. The same thing goes with most people i KNOW. Im either holding someone in such high regard, or I despise every single thing about them. Now, how Ive developed this personality, Im not sure. This is just something Ive accepted and learned to live with. Although it has the tendancy to make people quite angry, because of my harsh opinions to things.
Once again, not looking for pity or anything like that, thats not me. Just wanted to share some thoughts on various subjects.
OK.....Survey time:
Favorite city youve ever lived in/visited?
(Toronto)
One extremely positive thing youve been involved in:
(listed above)
And since Ive been dry for 5 days now, Favorite drinks:
(Jager, Absinthe, Jack and Coke, Vodka Red Bull)
1 2 3 GO.
Last night I helped save two people's lives. My boss is a volunteer fireman, I thinks hes like the assistant chief or something. Anyways he walked to work last night and at about 3am he got a call to go to a roll over accident. He's the driver of his company so he had to leave immediately, so to make a long story short I drove him there so he could help with the accident. I guess the guy and girl in car that flipped are in serious condition, but they are probably going to make it. So in a very very small way, I helped save a life or two. And I didnt write this because im looking for any praise or compliments, im not that kind of person. Just wanted to write about something very positive that I was a part of.
--------------------
Also last night I came to the realization of what may have caused a good portion of this pain, ive been feeling for the past 8 months. Eight months, thats about when I started this great new job. Thats when I started to see much less of her despite living together. Thats when I had to come off my medication because I couldnt afford it with no health insurance. Thats when I became increadingly depressed. Thats when I started drinking hardcore again. Thats about when the relationship began to crumble. Since then its been 8 long months and things have gotten marginally better. So, the morale of the story is despite getting 25% pay increase I became very very unhappy.
---------------
ADDICTION/EXTREMISM
These are the two factors that control the way my life goes probably more than anything else combined. Not by choice, but unfortunately its the truth.
Addiction. I have the most addictive personality out of anyone Ive ever met. There are so many things Ive done just once and became extremely addicted to. Anything from smoking to buying lotto tickets, to playing video games, to the obvious: alcohol. Just about anything. It sucks so bad, Im completely afraid to enter a casino or strip club again, because I just get sucked in and spend obscene amounts of money, Im trying as hard as I can to limit the amount of tv i watch. And Im really trying hard to break this alcohol habit. When it takes 8-10 drinks to start feeling it, I think its tome to realize theres a problem. I wont even try any other drugs or anything like that anymore for fear that first hit will being controlling me for the rest of my life. I cant even describe how tough it is for me to kick the habit once ive gotten into it. Its an undecribeably horrible feeling, to know that you are pretty much powerless over yourself. Im working as hard as I can to somehow get better, but its been extremely rough going.
Extremism. Unfortunately Im also stuck with a very extremist personality. There are very few things that Im indiffernt to. 90% of things I either completely love or hate with every breath I take. The same thing goes with most people i KNOW. Im either holding someone in such high regard, or I despise every single thing about them. Now, how Ive developed this personality, Im not sure. This is just something Ive accepted and learned to live with. Although it has the tendancy to make people quite angry, because of my harsh opinions to things.
Once again, not looking for pity or anything like that, thats not me. Just wanted to share some thoughts on various subjects.
OK.....Survey time:
Favorite city youve ever lived in/visited?
(Toronto)
One extremely positive thing youve been involved in:
(listed above)
And since Ive been dry for 5 days now, Favorite drinks:
(Jager, Absinthe, Jack and Coke, Vodka Red Bull)
1 2 3 GO.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I haven't been home much lately so haven't been checkin the site too often. Take care man, dwelling on all this stuff too much will make your head explode. Too much of anything is bad for you but anything in moderation can be a good thing.
As far as being addicted to things, if you get drunk enough you just pass out and can't do anything anyways. See, it's a win win situation.