It feels like the middle of summer or even early summer right now...strange seeing as how there's 4 feet of snow outside and -19 C.
Reasons? I have my window wide open, a light is shining in and my room is toasty warm. I setup a lot of stuff so that I could open the windows and not get a draft coming in...just wanted to have that feeling (it costs a ton, my electricity and heating bill are going to double for this month).
Even with that in mind I openned up the windows and it's a wonderful feeling. You can see out, you can even smell the clean air but it's a lukewarm temperature that makes you feel alive.
I need to feel alive right now as it's hurting again (as it always does) to be alone. Part of me is wanting to get into a relationship but the other half of me wants to see how long I can go before I succumb. I tend to be quite heartless and tend to be more so towards myself. I feel that if I can't do it then I shouldn't expect anybody else to do it. So I put pressure on myself to do things that most normal people wouldn't.
For instance: I got myself into 3 relationships in the past that seemed good at the time but I knew they were stop gap relationships. This time around though I'm in for the longhaul...I'm sitting here and scanning all the prospects and being prospected myself. Yet, there's that nagging in the back of my mind that's saying: "If you stay single a while longer I'll keep releasing some hormones...come on guy, you can do it." From that pride of success and misfortune comes a feeling of euphoria that's rather addictive yet is starting to wear of.
Moral: I may seem heartless to some of you and you know I'm joking but I'm especially cruel to myself.
oh btw: It's amazing outside right now.
Reasons? I have my window wide open, a light is shining in and my room is toasty warm. I setup a lot of stuff so that I could open the windows and not get a draft coming in...just wanted to have that feeling (it costs a ton, my electricity and heating bill are going to double for this month).
Even with that in mind I openned up the windows and it's a wonderful feeling. You can see out, you can even smell the clean air but it's a lukewarm temperature that makes you feel alive.
I need to feel alive right now as it's hurting again (as it always does) to be alone. Part of me is wanting to get into a relationship but the other half of me wants to see how long I can go before I succumb. I tend to be quite heartless and tend to be more so towards myself. I feel that if I can't do it then I shouldn't expect anybody else to do it. So I put pressure on myself to do things that most normal people wouldn't.
For instance: I got myself into 3 relationships in the past that seemed good at the time but I knew they were stop gap relationships. This time around though I'm in for the longhaul...I'm sitting here and scanning all the prospects and being prospected myself. Yet, there's that nagging in the back of my mind that's saying: "If you stay single a while longer I'll keep releasing some hormones...come on guy, you can do it." From that pride of success and misfortune comes a feeling of euphoria that's rather addictive yet is starting to wear of.
Moral: I may seem heartless to some of you and you know I'm joking but I'm especially cruel to myself.
oh btw: It's amazing outside right now.
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Sometimes i get high and go see the "Inside the Earth" exhibit. Sometimes, if you are daring you can get high inside the bat cave and than go see the exhibit.