The unwritten rule at my shop is the more money you make the less you work. Which is why I got nominated to crawl through the attic to run lines to the new water heater location. I heard we were running these new lines in cpvc instead of copper which would make it faster, and like an idiot I thought thank god. As I start my army crawl through this hot sticky and insulation filled attic I make it five feet in and almost fall completely through the ceiling. So there I am dangling from the ceiling just like you would see on cops, and I'm thinking to myself this isn't as funny when it's me. I managed to pull myself back up and start my crawl a little further into this hell hole sauna when my shirt snags on a nail. As I'm struggling to free myself from this new predicament I stab my head on a roofing nail. I finally make it to the smallest part of the attic to start this repipe. I'm laying with my waist on a rat run, one hand on a truss, and my other hand opening the glue. I get the first of three fittings glued together in the tightest part of the attic when my clumsy ass knocks over the can of glue. The fumes from the spill are making it so I can't breathe, now I have to smash a hole through the ceiling. While doing this I now have bright yellow cpvc glue and hot pink insulation all over my arm and face. Anybody who has ever gotten glue on their face while sweaty knows how much it burns. I was an angry gumball at this point to say the least. I make the last two connections and start my army crawl in reverse while strapping the pipe down as I go. Almost home free is what I'm thinking in my head at this point. This was a mistake as Murphy's law kicked into full effect, while crawling backwards I stab myself in the back on a nail sticking out of the truss. This causes me lose my grip on the truss I'm holding myself up with and my arm smashes through the ceiling. The only thing that stopped me from going all the way through was my face smacking into the truss I was holding before I got stabbed. Now I'm thinking that as soon as I make it to the scuttle hole and my ladder I'm done. I finally get out of this attic with no more incident, and I see this shit eating grin on my coworkers face. That was my cue to just go home for the day, because there was no chance it was going to get any better. This all happened before noon and I still itch after two showers. I knew I should have just called in sick today.
