1aine

I have GOTto start ranting more - !

Wow. I cannot imagine being married with kids before coming to the realization, or coming out with it, that I was bi. Gotta give ya props for that. It's only truely hard for you, not so much for the people you have to tell. The other people don't have to live it. Men always get excited about it when they find out their woman digs chicks too, they don't really seem to get the complications that go along with finding both sexes sexually appealing. Like getting the proverbial hard on for any and every attractive person one sees....i can imagine it's easier when it's limited to just one sex.
Then you tell the guy...and perhaps you do find a 'girlfriend,' men are such egoists alot of the time that they don't really consider that their woman might end up prefering the girlfriend to them. Oops asked for it didn't ya buddy. It's a scary thing.....endlessly fun....but complicated and scary. Especially when one is in a relationship already.
That's why I really dug the movies Sex Monster and Chasing Amy....they kind of brought to light some of the issues of dating bisexually.
Many of the bisexuals I know profess to only be truely happy and fulfilled when they are dating both a man and a woman. Unfortunately there is no social norm for threesomes and when one is in the center of that kind of relationship....it feels like the other two are getting a kind of shitty deal. It's a tough realization for them to find out that only one of them cannot create happieness and fulfillment. Most people don't or won't deal with something like that.
But if it's in you it's going to out eventually. You would probably be alot more comfortable in your skin if you just went out and experienced it. There is something intrinsicly healing about having sex with a woman....it's kind of like getting a reminder of why life is beautiful. I cannot imagine it ever being something to worry about or get hung up on. Women can laugh and giggle and play durring sex....men not so much. Most fragile male egos prefer not to hear laughter durring sex....odd that. If ya didn't like it....why would ya be there in the first place? There can be so much joy in lust and sex....laughing seems a natual reaction to me.
My only bit of, perhaps unwated, advice....ya probably wouldn't want to have the first time with your man there. You'd just be thinking about how he's viewing it and how good a time he's having rather than simply becoming confident and comfortable with another woman.
Word travelling fast....yeah it's a small place up here with lots of small minded people. It's certainly a consideration as far as how it would effect your children and loved ones. But, your sexlife doesn't need to be anybody else's business and most people would think nothing of two women hanging out alot....many straight women kiss, touch, hug, and hold hands with their friends...it's not that strange or telling a thing as you think. It only really becomes open knowledge if the girl you find has a big mouth and no heart....anyone who is gay or bi should understand the difficulties involved with admitting their sexuality and be sensitive enough to act accordingly. Especially because your a married mother.
So yeah. There's my two cents....kind of turned into five bucks....I should stop now....it's too easy to go on forever about this kind of thing.