Seattle has a whole lot of churches. Churches everywhere. Also religious schools, bill boards, television shows, etc. But Seattle's religious scene is nothing compared to what I'm bombarded with here in the South. Can't go anywhere without tripping over a bunch of physically small but piously huge churches. Big churches, small churches, red churches, blue churches. Church signs everywhere. At least half a dozen religion based channels on the local TV lineup. Big ass giant crosses next to the free way. Pithy religious bumper stickers on every pick up truck, etc. All this religion slapping me in the face got me to thinking this morning. Not about Jesus and the state of my soul or the hereafter or any of that. I was thinking about the inherent contradictions in christian dogma. More specifically, I was contemplating the concept of sin and how it jives (or doesn't jive) with the christian big guy himself. I'm talking about the real sins. The big ones. The big baddies that are the worst sins you can commit. Not those pissy little venial sins that you can make go away with X amount of Hail Mary's or Our Fathers. I'm talking about the really bad ones, the ones that are supposed to let ol Satan himself in to party, The Seven Deadly Sins Which are, in case you forgot, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. The point of all this, is that it occurs to me that God himself embodies most of these sins. Let's run down the list...
Wrath... This one is easy. The whole 'vengeful God' thing says it all. According to the Bible, God gets awfully angry all the freakin time. Smiting this and smoting that. Raining fire and brimstone down on whole cities, etc. God is a seriously angry deity! You could say that God has a anger control problem. So, God is angry. That's a sin.
Envy... This goes right along with wrath. Not only is God vengeful, he is also a jealous God. It says so right in the book itself. Thou shalt not put any gods before me. Sounds like a jealous boyfriend. God gets jealous, then he gets angry, then people go to hell. Yay God! That's 2 for 2.
Lust... I don't know too much about God's sex life. There is a lot of sex in the Old Testament, but it's never God getting his holy rocks off. It's always some douche bag deflowering his brothers wife or his daughter or his goat or some shit like that. So God never gets it on himself (except that one time with Mary, but one lay hardly makes a sex fiend), but according to the churches I grew up in, God cares an awful lot about virgins and virginity. And I know how virgins make me fell. Giggity. But I'll cut God some slack and not attribute this one to him. 2 out of 3 so far.
Sloth... And on the seventh day he rested. Sounds like laziness to me. If idle hands are the devil's play things, then a whole day of rest sounds down right devilish to me. Plus, what about all those prayers that go unanswered? All my life, I was told that I should pray to God. But God never replied. Guess he was too busy resting to be bothered. Yep, that's a sin.
Greed... Why does God want all of our prayers? And he wants EVERYBODY to believe in him and only him. Sounds awfully greedy to me. Like a little kid who won't share his toys with the other kids. And according to some preacher type people, God not only wants our faith and our prayers, he also wants our money too!! Holy shit! This guy is supposed to be infinitely powerful and all knowing, yet he still needs a chunk of my sad little pay check? WTF? Get a job you lazy greedy bastard!
Gluttony... Ummm, unless God wants all those prayers so that he can eat them, I don't really see this one. UNLESS he doesn't want us to believe in other gods because when we die, he eats our souls. Hmmmm. I may have to let God pass on this one. Theoretical soul eating isn't enough to convict in this case.
and that brings us to Pride... God is chock full of pride. Just read pretty much any page in the bible. 'I am the one true God', 'Put no other gods before me', 'Look at my works and rejoice', etc. All over the place God goes on and on about how awesome he his, how he was the first god, and the one true god, and how he has the all time high score at Tetris. Pride, yeah. God's got plenty of that.
Out of the Seven Deadly Sins that God hates and despises before all other sins, God himself is guilty of at least 5 of them with the jury still out on the other 2. So in conclusion, God is a greedy, lazy, jealous boyfriend with anger issues and a huge ego who may eat souls and have a thing for virgins. Sounds like a great role model to me.
Wrath... This one is easy. The whole 'vengeful God' thing says it all. According to the Bible, God gets awfully angry all the freakin time. Smiting this and smoting that. Raining fire and brimstone down on whole cities, etc. God is a seriously angry deity! You could say that God has a anger control problem. So, God is angry. That's a sin.
Envy... This goes right along with wrath. Not only is God vengeful, he is also a jealous God. It says so right in the book itself. Thou shalt not put any gods before me. Sounds like a jealous boyfriend. God gets jealous, then he gets angry, then people go to hell. Yay God! That's 2 for 2.
Lust... I don't know too much about God's sex life. There is a lot of sex in the Old Testament, but it's never God getting his holy rocks off. It's always some douche bag deflowering his brothers wife or his daughter or his goat or some shit like that. So God never gets it on himself (except that one time with Mary, but one lay hardly makes a sex fiend), but according to the churches I grew up in, God cares an awful lot about virgins and virginity. And I know how virgins make me fell. Giggity. But I'll cut God some slack and not attribute this one to him. 2 out of 3 so far.
Sloth... And on the seventh day he rested. Sounds like laziness to me. If idle hands are the devil's play things, then a whole day of rest sounds down right devilish to me. Plus, what about all those prayers that go unanswered? All my life, I was told that I should pray to God. But God never replied. Guess he was too busy resting to be bothered. Yep, that's a sin.
Greed... Why does God want all of our prayers? And he wants EVERYBODY to believe in him and only him. Sounds awfully greedy to me. Like a little kid who won't share his toys with the other kids. And according to some preacher type people, God not only wants our faith and our prayers, he also wants our money too!! Holy shit! This guy is supposed to be infinitely powerful and all knowing, yet he still needs a chunk of my sad little pay check? WTF? Get a job you lazy greedy bastard!
Gluttony... Ummm, unless God wants all those prayers so that he can eat them, I don't really see this one. UNLESS he doesn't want us to believe in other gods because when we die, he eats our souls. Hmmmm. I may have to let God pass on this one. Theoretical soul eating isn't enough to convict in this case.
and that brings us to Pride... God is chock full of pride. Just read pretty much any page in the bible. 'I am the one true God', 'Put no other gods before me', 'Look at my works and rejoice', etc. All over the place God goes on and on about how awesome he his, how he was the first god, and the one true god, and how he has the all time high score at Tetris. Pride, yeah. God's got plenty of that.
Out of the Seven Deadly Sins that God hates and despises before all other sins, God himself is guilty of at least 5 of them with the jury still out on the other 2. So in conclusion, God is a greedy, lazy, jealous boyfriend with anger issues and a huge ego who may eat souls and have a thing for virgins. Sounds like a great role model to me.