0theamazingrando

The question of the the decade: What will Christian Rockers do, now that CREED has broken up. I'm sure, like myself, most of you are diehard Christians (that's why we're all on SG). What will we do? Without Creed how could we possibly rock hard enough to praise the Jesus? Listen to me, my brothers, and ye shall rejoice!

At first, you might have thought "well, Creed is gone, I'll just go back and listen to Jars of Clay on Star 98.7 (or whatever shitty pop station you listen to). However, there's something you may not know... they're GAY! That's right... Jars of Clay are really Jars of GAY. Remember, the Lord hates faggots and wankers, so you can't listen to them.



Then, you might have been thinking "Well, after Creed being such pansy-ass wusses, I need something hard, like P.O.D.!!!" Well, P.O.D. is hard alright, hard for MEN! That's right, my brothers in Jesusland, P.O.D. really stands for Piles of Dildos! You know what that means... they're super gay butt-rangers. Can't listen to them either.



Well then, what band could possibly rock hard enough to praise the lord AND not be hot for men, or having anal sex with men, or touching other dudes bums in the movie theater? STRYPER... that's right. Nothing, and I mean nothing rocks harder than hair metal and no hair metal band ever rocked harder than Stryper (well, maybe King Cobra... but they turned out gay). If you've ever been to a Stryper concert, you know that they're the only band this side of heaven that rocks for the Jesus! That, my brothers and sisters in Bibleville, is the solution to your problem. Don't praise me... praise the Jesus... then praise Stryper because they ROCK!