I want to be happy, I truly honestly with all my heart do so badly!!! Just the smallest things to some people make it so difficult sometimes. Fuck it, I'll find my own ways of being happy if that means the people around me will be.
Thank you for all the responses on my last entry! I don't know, I guess if he wants to continue with anything we'll just be friends. That's fine with me! I don't think I could honestly handle such emotion when I have too much already in my own life 
I think I'm fine right now with my friends that love me and all of you...
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I think I'm fine right now with my friends that love me and all of you... Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
bionicfemme:
I wish I was in your poetry class...**sigh**
pigs9488:
I liked this girl for a while that seemed kinda like the guy you were with. Like an emotional leach of some kind. After a little while it became more apparent so i decided to just drop the whole thing altogether. Now sometimes i feel that i need a relationship to secure my sanity.
Lord, I've never been more confused in my entire life!!! I mean honestly can he really expect me to love him right away?! I take so much time to trust people and even more time to show them affection that's just how I am. I told him that! Then he gets all sad and just leaves, what the fuck am I supposed to think about...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
gwendolyn:
Thank you bunches for the wonderfully sweet comment you left in my journal. I will send previews to Elise and give her permission to let you sneak a peek as well. I'm sure I've said this 80 times by now, but I can't wait for my first set to go up. I sent it to Missy today, so it should go up, umm... 2005? 
(Don't take that comment to mean I'm unhappy with the popularity of the site-- I love it.)
(Don't take that comment to mean I'm unhappy with the popularity of the site-- I love it.)
morgan:
I have no idea if this will be helpful or not...but from what i know of you from reading your posts and journals (and seeing your lovely set), if he can understand and be patient, he's going to be the luckiest guy ever.
I need to calm this roller coaster of emotions I have raging inside of me down so much! I can't control it. I guess it's because I've only recently discovered that I have friends who genuinely love me. I never had that before, I never could trust my "friends" before who always hurt me on purpose. Maybe that's why I get so upset still now,...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
tatum:
That would be a boy, ahh!! That's why it's so weird to me! But he's a sweetheart and so understanding about everything!
Thank you for what you said! It's really too bad we don't live closer because I'd love to break through and find that chocolately center of yours!
Thank you for what you said! It's really too bad we don't live closer because I'd love to break through and find that chocolately center of yours!
elise:
i can understand why you kind of....blew up again then. i forgot you're not used to having a friend who isn't a complete bitch it's like you expect it from me, and that's ok!!!!!
tatum sweetheart.......i will ALWAYS ALWAYS LOVE YOU and ALWAYS *ALWAYS* BE HERE FOR YOU!!!! here to the end. to the VERY end. i promise with all my heart. i will not turn out like those horrible people that you called "friends" so many years ago. i am true. i am honest. i am loyal. i am there for you. you can count on me
PLEASE don't forget that and jump to conclusions again! pleeeeease!!
and i hope you had fun with D tonight
it's like you expect it from me, and that's ok!!!!!
tatum sweetheart.......i will ALWAYS ALWAYS LOVE YOU and ALWAYS *ALWAYS* BE HERE FOR YOU!!!! here to the end. to the VERY end. i promise with all my heart. i will not turn out like those horrible people that you called "friends" so many years ago. i am true. i am honest. i am loyal. i am there for you. you can count on me
PLEASE don't forget that and jump to conclusions again! pleeeeease!!
and i hope you had fun with D tonight
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...
I'll say it over and over again until you believe me, I'll try to control this mess I have inside me. It's not your fault and I hate myself for saying it is most of the time and putting it on your shoulders....
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I'll say it over and over again until you believe me, I'll try to control this mess I have inside me. It's not your fault and I hate myself for saying it is most of the time and putting it on your shoulders....
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tears..............
emily:
awwww why?
I feel much better about everything but confusion still lurks, oh well, I'll figure it out eventually! If confusion didn't exist then life would be rather boring right?
rawr_ima_monster:
right...sure. but still, everyone hates uncertainty.
-right? RIGHT?
Dave
-right? RIGHT?
Dave
elise:
hey poopydave! sure sure everyone hates uncertainty! but we're trying to make tatum feel better not worse!
it's ok sweetie. you will figure it out. and i'll be there to help you
it's ok sweetie. you will figure it out. and i'll be there to help you
good lord........
elise:
yeah......i second that
Hmm I went on a date with a BOY last night, that certainly was something I haven't done in awhile! I don't know what I think about that just yet I have to sit here for awhile and let it all sink in...
I have to sit here for awhile and let it all sink in...VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
elise:
:-) oh my. this is just so weird for me! a little-brother-ish friend of sorts and a very close, beautiful, best friend.... going out on dates!
elise:
I....uh.....had fun with you last night (holeeeeee sheeeeiit!!!!!)
my heart is still beating rapidly.
my heart is still beating rapidly.
I have spent so much time with Elise lately, it's so amazing!! Every minute, I just can't get enough of her. Even when we're not happy with each other and need to work things out, that always ends in us becoming closer. I guess that's how a true friendship is supposed to be, something which I've never experienced in my life before.
And, yes, we...
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And, yes, we...
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tatum:
I'm hoping my new board picture will come back again soon
emily:
I want to see!=)
Emotions pour in and out of my body like waves crashing violently on the soft white beaches. Tearing at the grains, wearing them away. But then the sweet sunlight comes out, calms the salty sea, and makes the sands glisten once more.
goatsgotohell:
Hope all is well with you kid! *hugs*
emily:
That's beautiful!!I love that=)and you're so cute! I had fun talking to you yesterday=)
Thank you for all of your words of comfort and advice from my last entry! I apologize for the constant changes in my mood I'm better now though!
I am SO greatful for Elise! I don't know what I'd do sometimes if she wasn't there to constantly see me through things. Sometimes I don't understand how she can stay by my side through all of...
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I'm better now though!
I am SO greatful for Elise! I don't know what I'd do sometimes if she wasn't there to constantly see me through things. Sometimes I don't understand how she can stay by my side through all of...
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elise:
because i love you.
rawr_ima_monster:
you are all too welcome.
-oh, and awwwwwww,
Dave
-oh, and awwwwwww,
Dave
i'm losing.
but i strive for that. i think that if people are truly happy in themselves, they can have the deepest relationships of all. ones that are strong in individuality, where they are both giving, and no one is struggling to 'mine' happiness from the core's of others.
am i delusional?