schmelectra

no one ever comments here, no matter what i write, so i guess i blather about being sad and lonely here too.
i don't know what's wrong with me. i just feel so alone, even when i am with people that i could probably call my friends. everything feels so disconnected. I think i'm drinking too much. that could be the problem. i'll have to...
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nulomoline.
nu-low-moe-lean
i love this goddamn word.
for those who are curious, Nulomoline is a standardized invert sugar. A "super-sweetener" with unique hygroscopic characteristics, this product has greater sweetening power than sucrose, corn syrup or other sugars. Just a small amount gives sweetness and moistness, extends shelf life, retards staling and controls crystallization. Nulomoline also aids in the improvement of crumb and crust color. Nulomoline...
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here is something i've been thinking about a lot lately. It has to do with tattoo culture and fads and more specifically this thread in the tattoo group. Portland has HUGE tattoo culture. HUGE. I heard the statistic recently that 1 in 4 people have tattoos nowadays. In Portland, i'd guess it's more like 1 in 2. Seriously. Since this is the case, i see...
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i guess i shouldn't be so emo.
i don't know...
i feel disconnected from my friends.
although i must say i did have a lovely birthday. i got flowers and beer from a co-worker, and almost everyone i ever talk to at work told me happy birthday. i don't think i ever felt as loved by the people around me as i did on monday....
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"It's late at night, and i've got nowhere to go
my money's gone and also all my friends
and the cop says to me:
hey you smell bad! get out of here!
and i say:
don't you know i have an angel?
and i said to that angel:
shelter me from the pouring rain
this is my life
i'm living with so much pain
shelter...
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i got my stinking resolution.

Fuck, dude.
i am so angry.
i am trying really hard to hold the crazy in, but it is getting really fucking hard.
i got a txt from charles this afternoon. he's the crush who mysteriously stopped returning my phone calls. he is who my las journal entry is about.
"So i got back late thursday night. Sorry i did not call while i was...
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take note--

I am SICK and FUCKING tired of being treated like dirt by boys.
DO YOU HEAR ME!?
FUCK OFF!

you get all up in my business, make me think you really like me, and then run away like a little boy.
i don't get it. i really don't .
go screw.

i feel like crying. not for any good reason, i just want to sob.
i think i'm just so stressed out what with school and everthing that i can't cope with any kind of emotion. they all just make me want to cry.
it will be over soon.

i hate soccer.
i love this video.

Things I'd Rather Do...

ugh. drama drama drama!
i HATE drama.
i am sorry.
i didn't mean for things to go down like this.
nothing goes the way i want it to.