peachie

I finally feel ready to talk about it here. At the end of July I lost one of my cats, scar. He was young and healthy. Due to the superficiality of the vet I entrusted to, we underestimated a common cold which then turned out to be a serious virus that took away my scar in a few days. That cat wasn't just a cat to me. It was my world, I didn't love it more than others but I had a special bond with it. I don't remember a single night where in these 4 years he hasn't slept with me. He was my shadow, he followed me everywhere, he talked to me, he was very sweet, he knew how to console me. Losing him was a big blow to me. Leaving aside that I risked losing all the cats precisely because of this super viral virus that they had all caught, but luckily caught in time the other cats came out super healthy. Not him, this thing destroyed me, I literally didn't see a future for me anymore, it was like losing a part of my body, as if both legs had been amputated, as if I had lost a child. Such immense pain that I had to go to psychotherapy. He blocked me with my job as a sex worker, he blocked me with housework, travel, interpersonal relationships, family. All. I no longer saw anything but the lack of him. It was the hardest challenge to face. Now I'm trying to get out of it, the psychologist is helping me a lot, the other cats give me the strength to go on every day. But I swear to you that for me my life was over there until a month ago. In fact I have been very detached from social networks, onlyfans and suicidegirls and I am very sorry because you usually make me feel so good. What I want to tell you is that if you are dealing with the loss of an animal you love, your pain is valid, you have a right to feel bad, you don't feel judged or guilty if you feel so much pain. They live with us every day of their life, they are our life, they depend on us just as if they were our children. Your pain is worth it. A friend told me something that stuck with me and helped me a lot "Remember that for you it was only 4 years, but for him his entire existence" I saw scar being born, I was there when his mother, a stray, she gave birth to him, I was there when he opened his eyes, I was there for his first solid baby food, I was there for his first puncture at the vet and I was always there, until the last. The last words I said to him were "Please don't be a brat, mom loves you so much" and I kissed him on the forehead. Inside I knew that it was the last time I would see him and so it was ... But until the last he knew that I loved him more than my own life and sons sure that he would not want to see me feel so bad.