Dear Suicide,
Let me tell you what pain feels like. I've always had a very high tolerance for physical pain and a very low tolerance for emotional pain. Combine this with a gift for expression and read on.
First, it's like your head will explode from the pressure generated by life's little "hiccups". Ironic, that. Anyway, when you've collapsed from the weight of your head,...
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... by the way, I like your new haircut!