pica_pica

I started taking all the condiments out of the inside of the door. I cant believe how gross it is. Thick brown sticky rings, garlic cloves, almost empty jars of plum sauce, HP, soy sauce So many dinners. Is that what it was? I couldnt believe what a trigger it was. I fought off the choke up at first, but the more stuff I took out of the fridge the more bleak I felt. The plastic interior became like a morgue. By the time I got the inside of the door emptied out, I was almost having to stop. Finally I did move on to the top shelf and continue on. For some reason the half full carton of cream was particularly difficult. Its good until tomorrow, but since Im dairy free for the next 10 days, I dumped it down the sink. The stark white of the empty fridge behind me radiated out and I just stood there pouring the cream down the sink in my shadow. I had to walk away at that point. I am totally shocked at how totally devastating it is to see that fridge so empty. Its incredibly bright inside now, but I havent actually cleaned it. All the old spills and crumbs and drips stand out like the frozen bodies of an expedition crew lost for years in the arctic, finally spotted from the air by the wife of one of the dead men. Shes in the passenger seat of a recon flight.

Maybe thats it, those sticky puddles symbolize so many shared dinners, usually ones she would make for special occasions. I dont even know how old that plum sauce must be. I dont remember eating plum sauce. I know that bottle of antipasto Im about to throw out was from the batch the she made with her friend back in 97 or so. That was the week before her infidelity and I hung onto that bottle of antipasto like it was our heart.

I currently feel pretty fuckin great! It's a beautiful morning here and it's going to get up to 100 degrees later in the day.
Here's a webcam view from two blocks down from my apartment: morning

[Edited on Aug 08, 2004 9:05PM]

[Edited on Oct 30, 2004 5:41PM]