I should be sleeping, but part of my heart is in Portland and I'm waiting on a phone call.

I didn't notice after putting away my groceries that the freezer door was not latched properly and I lost everything. As, by the time I got home from work, everything was thawed. I'm rather tightly budgeted so, I couldn't replace them. I...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
itsy:
@jozsef it's a scary time, honestly. Trump is a no-go for obvious reasons I don't need to state. Hillary is more frightening to me because I cannot figure out what she stands for:  there's too much lying, double talk and saying whatever will make her current audience happy. Of course I'll be voting, and voting Bernie regardless, but politics have been set up, bought and paid for, I believe, for a long time now. A sad time, indeed.
jozsef:
I think you have Hillary nailed. She stands for the same things Bill did, which are telling the citizens what they want to hear while being a loyal and tireless servant of billionaires, the top transnational corporations and the financial sector. BTW, this includes making sure we have permanent war like Orwell described because weapons manufacturers like selling weapons better than not selling them. A lot better. The people who die in these wars don't matter and once you understand that, things around us begin to make more sense, as long as you're a sociopath. Of course the survivors hit back but that just helps to sell more wars so it's a good thing. I  have a bad feeling that I'm not cheering you up very much. :P

Trying to put good things out into the universe. I mean, I think I am still shedding some layers of gossip, white lies, gluttony, selfishness. But I'm trying earnestly to shake them off. Like an unwanted sweater in warm weather. I don't want to feel like anything is holding me or keeping me from being my best me. Does that make sense?

Still...
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eyes52:
I hope that it works out for you. Having someone stomp on your heart not only hurts mentally but also physically. As you say though a person has to heal.But it definitely makes a person cautious the next time. 

"When sex becomes a production or performance, that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partner's body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss...
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jozsef:
I've found that these things are immeasurably better with a partner.

I dated a disaster. Only about 4 weeks of wasted time. And thank the heavens for no more than that. After *this* I'll never think of him again. He doesn't need to be a blip on my radar because....well....he doesn't. EW is the best way to describe my general feeling on the matter.

But there is one thing. One night...
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eyes52:
It always seems to hurt for awhile, but it definitely sounds like your better off without mr.whiney
itsy:
It doesn't hurt. I don't give one shit about Mr. Whiney. Was mainly musing the difference between him and Mr. Bass.

So I'm writing. Mostly for myself. But because you can't help yourself, and eventually you'll find this entry waiting.

The past few months have been...intense. explosive. Honestly, I did not expect to fall for you. I always felt a strange pull in your direction, like the tide lulling me in. But falling in love with you? No. Because I could see...
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jozsef:
That's pretty intense to say the least. We sometimes see people taking actions and making choices which seem obviously and tragically unwise. We might speculate that they are mentally ill, damaged or simply have chosen to be miserable. The simple explanation is that in the context of their beliefs and predictions, they are doing what needs to be done in order to avoid even bigger hurts in the future. Intelligent people do not change their minds easily in this area because their actions are not undertaken lightly and they truly believe the best possible outcome will one day be forthcoming, once they get it right. I had an experience not so long ago with many parallels to what you describe and the ending was not in any way fun. I was used to fixing everything so it definitely brought my limitations into sharp focus. Some among us don't know how to be happy and don't trust the experience when it finds them. The rest of us have to accept that we can offer advice, love or what have you, but the other person can accept it or say no thanks. I was literally thinking of you this morning and I wish you had a powerful experience to share that ended with you being wonderfully happy.
relentlesclimax:
i can dig it.
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I Suppose I should update my profile on the mundane happenings of my life. I've decided to stop shaving my head since I won't start any treatment again now for a couple of months. I got it a perfect platinum and then decided baby pink would be a good idea (breast cancer awareness in October). Yeah. The brand I used didn't take...
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jozsef:
See what? Just be grateful that a really tough mouse that's a body builder hasn't taken to leaving dead cats around. That could get old pretty fast. Apart from all that, I guess a few things have happened in a year and a bit. If you feel motivated to elaborate, I'm quite sure it will get read. It's just a feeling. 😉
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jozsef:
Damn good, actually, and also has 66 beat quite decisively. My mantra is try not to turn into a blob if at all possible and I haven't been paying quite enough attention to following it. Thank you for the inspiring reminder.
jozsef:
BTW, I order you to stop cutting your head off in pictures, or in any other way as long as we're closing loopholes. I hope I've made myself clear. 😉
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you DON'T prove you're in control by being a fucking bitch. it just makes you look like you're trying way too hard to prove yourself and also that you're a right cunt.

what a laugh. at most you've proven yourself unreasonable and spiteful. or that's the general opinion, anyway.

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In the spirit of giving....

macaroncafe.com

I need macarons in my life again and no one in this dusty ass backward town makes them (or makes them proper).

xoxo ;)

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you're so vain. you probably think this post is about you.

don't you?

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
vonpink:
well it better be.
jozsef:
It's on my list of very special songs that I most want not to hear for the foreseeable future. :P