So this is how i got over it. I was listening to "This Grudge" by Alanis for only the nine millionth time when it suddenly dawned on me that for two days straight I hadn't thought of you once. It was amazing to realize that in the grand scheme of things, yes, you broke me completely, but I healed like a burn victim whose skin grafts took successfully. A wound only doesn't heal if it's infected, and the reason for most infection is uncleanliness, so I cleaned my wound , stitched it up and got better. On my own, without clinging to some random person like you. I think seeing you at the wedding was the catalyst. I'm hot, you and your girl are not, I can obviously live without someone which you can not, and that speaks volumes to my personal strength. You're so obviously not into her that it made me laugh, and seeing how unattractive you really are without the blinders of love on was so cathartic. You're like a giant beached whale...forever trying to be something you're not, stuck on land where you don't belong. It's funny cuz for so long I thought I was the one who didn't deserve you, and you even had the balls to tell me once that no other guy would put up with me. However the reality is that you didn't deserve me, and no other woman- as evidenced by your string of ex-girlfriends- can put up with you. You were my first and I had hoped my only, but obviously you weren't on the same page. You only want pretty uncomplicated things in your pretty uncomplicated world and I just do not have the time for that. I'm real, I'm now, not just when appropriate, and I'm certainly not quiet and subservient. I'll never be your step mother who, no matter how much you claim to hate her, is really what you want a woman to be like. You tried real-ness and imperfection and could not handle it so now you'll settle for pretension. have fun with that! You are so much your fathers son, all lies and affectation.
But enough.
What I really just wanted to say, before I got sidetracked, is that I'm better, I'm happy. Seeing you now only causes me the phantom pains of a soldier who's lost a limb in the war. It hurts, but it's no longer there so I just ignore it and go on.You're just A jerk now, not THE jerk. You're just another chapter in my book of mistakes. It's done, no going back, just have to go forward. I'm happy with my friends and my life, I'm successful in my career, and most importantly I'm proud of who I am. I hope in the future you'll be able to accept a beer offered in peace, because like Jo said, healing needs to occur. And it has, on my part.
f1ssure:
hey beautiful
agentnopants:
hi! i'm so excited!